209 Hug Your Bully To Your Heart Urges Lily Wong

April 20, 2017

Lily Wong is a teacher, podcaster, and a world traveler who strives to find ways to give back. Her life’s journey has been fascinating and she continues to add shimmering layers to her experiences. Her Chinese podcast called, Learn English So You Can Travel has been downloaded more than 20 million times, and is recorded in her native language of Mandarin. Her newest podcast is called ‘Fly With Lily where she shares bits of her life’s story so listeners can benefit from her beautiful story-telling abilities.

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Most Influential Person

  • Dr. Wayne Dyer

Effect on Emotions

  • A lot of people might be jealous of my life right now because I can do whatever I want and I can go wherever I want but travel is not always so sexy. I find [I can be] very negative or very anxious. I was constantly looking for a place to stay and when people tell me, oh sorry, Lilly you can't stay here anymore because my parents are coming to visit, you need to find your own place. That message makes me feel very anxious; makes me feel not loved. I think mindfulness makes me feel like I can recognize these messages. They can be a trigger to my past. I can work on that next time when I hear the same thing. How do I transfer; how do I make it different?

Thoughts on Breathing

  • Breathing - I haven't thought about that. Especially breathing during meditation where they ask me to notice my breathing. I also like to practice yoga as well. I notice that I kind of held my breath when I practice yoga. Then I ask myself to breathe more; to enjoy the air when it's morning. Breathing is kind of like a tool to help you to live in the moment.

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Bullying Story

  • When I was a teenager I was at the lowest point in my life because I was so focused on myself and I constantly liked to beat myself up. I wanted to; I liked to beat myself up. Then I wrote a lot of suicidal messages in my journal. I felt I was in the dark. I felt really good to beat myself up.
  • When I was a student I got all straight A's and I worked really hard but deep inside I was not happy. Several people liked to pick on me. They called me names and they tried to hit me.
  • They wanted to do stuff to me and I was scared but I also found myself fearless at some points because I was already beating myself up. What worse could happen? It was that mindset that helped me avoid physical abuse.
  • After a few years, I learned that people who bully people; they are actually the biggest bullies to themselves. They say mean stuff to others in order to make them feel good. In my head, I was judging people and I was judging myself too. I'm much better now; I don't judge people so much. I can really tell whether my message is from my ego or my intuition or from love.
  • If you've experienced a bullying in your life, I want you to hug those bullies in your heart. Try to be nice to those bullies in your heart. Try to see them as your family in your heart.
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208 Hurtful Experiences Can Lead To Nuggets of Growth Says Jared Angaza

April 17, 2017

Jared Angaza is a philanthropist, philosopher, and all around mindful individual. He has an amazing ability to create brands, innovate, and think outside of the box as a way to help people and organizations he believes in from the heart. And Jared truly has heart, beyond what most of us can imagine. He loves to discuss consciousness, culture, andscience. Jared is the host and creator of the Inipi Radio Podcast. The Inipi ceremony is a type of sweat lodge; a Lakota purification ceremony, and one of the Seven Sacred Rites of the Lakota people. It is an ancient and sacred ceremony of the Lakota people and has been passed down through the generations of Lakota. We talk a lot about philanthropy, science, consciousness, politics, and culture.

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Most Influential Person

  • Lau Tzu and also my daughter

Effect on Emotions

  • I am a passionate dude and have always been that way. Consequently, I've struggled with rage and angst. Being mindful has helped me to step down off that. People like Pema Chodron have taught me not to take the bait and to step down from that rage, and not to kill it, not to squelch it, but to learn to transmute it into love.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • Yes, [breathing has been part of my mindfulness] probably most over the last year. I had this chant going on in my head, I don't really know where it came from. It was, 'find your breath'. It was coupled with this other mantra which I deliberately put together of, 'In this stillness, I am'. So 'in the stillness I am also able to find my breath and to become more still. Right now I'm practicing counting my breaths as I'm meditating which has helped a lot.

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Bullying Story

  • I don't think I was ever directly bullied in the traditional bully sense. However, I was ostracized at times because of my creative nature; because of not doing well in school.
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207 The Future of Happiness With Amy Blankson

April 13, 2017

Amy Blankson is a happiness researcher and consultant. She has worked with Google, NASA, and the U.S. Army and also served as a professor in Oprah’s Happiness course. Amy has been acknowledged by two former U.S. presidents for creating a
movement to activatepositive culture change. Increased technology can interfere with our efforts to be mindful and Amy’s recent book entitled, The Future of Happiness [5 Modern Strategies for Balancing Productivity and Well-Being in the Digital Era], addresses this issue head on.

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Most Influential Person

  • Chandra Moyer, Life Coach

Effect on Emotions

  • Mindfulness calms my mind and helps me to be able to deal with deeper emotions in a more measured and thoughtful way through balance and just being able to take a step back and see myself from the outside so that I can choose a different path for myself.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • Breathing is crucial to my mindfulness. Breathing is something that I tend to stop doing in the moment when I get stressed out. I don't even realize that I am getting more and more anxious and intense. Because I'm an anxious person naturally, breath is the absolute most essential key to helping me to get oxygen into my system so that I can think clearly and straightly. It's amazing and super important.

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Thoughts on Breathing

  • A couple of weeks ago I was at the Wisdom 2.0 conference in San Francisco, and by far the best speaker that I heard at the conference was Jewel, the singer-songwriter. Jewel talked about how when she was younger; she had a lot of family trauma going on in her world.

  • Alcohol, abuse, parents in and out of her life and it led her to being rough and tough and she wound up, at the age of 16, living out of her car for quite some time till her car was stolen.

  • It was one thing after another of awful things happening to this poor girl who didn't have a lot of support in her life at that point. She stumbled upon mindfulness and meditation at that young age as a way to deal with this world around her.

  • She talked about how she found herself in the dressing room one day where she was trying to steal a dress and she was trying to hide it under her clothes by stuffing this dress that she found in a store window. She loved it. She was stuffing it into her jeans pants and trying to put a big jacket on over her outfit because she just felt this was something she couldn't live without, and it would make her world so much happier.

  • It was a lovely white dress that made her feel clean again. As she was doing that, she looked into the mirror, and she realized who she'd become and how it had recreated this cycle of poverty and this systemic violence and thought pattern that she didn't want to have in her life.

  • She said that she felt like she had gotten to that place in her life through mindfulness. Even at that young age there was so much going on in her world; the ability to step back and see herself from the outside really created a different perspective on her life.

  • She talked about how she was that bully. She was the individual who was trying to protect herself from so many things entering her world and encroaching on her own sense of self-efficacy and self-worth that she reacted and responded.

  • I think that really spoke volumes to me about how she was able to come to that place of awareness. I think it's not always such an elevated story. We often hear young people who are going through the bullying process, and you try to steal yourself against the bully.

  • Mindfulness really makes me think about how the bully can transform.

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206 Love Yourself Says Can I Pick Your Brain Host, Daniel Gefen

April 10, 2017

Daniel Gefen is an online entrepreneur who has had crazy, wild successes. He seemed to know what he wanted at the crucial times, how to hold out and when to moveon. Yet, he’s also had times in his life when he felt burnt out and unsuccessful. Daniel truly knows how to connect with people and how communication can help you and can boost your business.

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Most Influential Person

  • Rabbi Gersey

Effect on Emotions

  • When I'm in a mindfulness space, so my emotions are calmer. Mindfulness doesn't necessarily take away an emotion, but it kind of calms it down. It makes the emotion just a little bit more manageable.
  • So a person could be really angry and you can get into a mindfulness place and it doesn't mean the anger's going to go away.
  • You have a right to be angry sometimes. There's reason to be angry. The difference between being angry and out of control and [rooooooar] I'm just going to smash everything down and I'm going to break relationships and I'm going to regret things that I do and then there's [deep breath], I'm feeling angry but it's okay.

Thoughts on Breathing

There's a few things I would say about that. Number one is, scientifically, the more we breathe, and the deeper we breathe, the more oxygen we get. First of all going through our blood and to our brain.
Scientifically that by itself biologically calms the body down. It's impossible for the body not to calm down when you just breathe deeply and you slowly let it out, like when you breathe and breathe and breathe, the body just feels calm. The other thing that breathing does which is really good is it gives you time to respond and reflect. A lot of times I might be in a situation where I kind of just ... the classical example is the one I gave [earlier] when I could have just opened up the door to my house and just gone in, would have literally head-butted the chaos.
I would have just gone 'boom' and it would have been reactive. It would have been an argument. It would have been a fight. And there's fight or flight. It would have been a fight, or me just leaving the house because I just can't deal with it. Instead of the fight or flight, I was able to create a space of time where I just became aware that I don't need to fight and I don't need to flight [sic].
I could just be in the moment and bring, through my energy everybody else into the moment with me, into my calm. In other words, you can either be pulled into someone else's chaos or you can pull them into your calm. You try to pull others into your calm rather than let others pull you into their chaos.

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Bullying Story

I was bullied in high school. I was bullied emotionally. I had this big mole on my face and it had hair growing out of it. As you can imagine, as a high school kid, that's not fun. All the kids would point at it and make fun of it.

They'd call me spider face and all sorts of names. My teeth stuck out and they would call me Goofy. When I got braces I was made fun of for that. I was actually kept down a year for my misbehavior and also they said they didn't have room in the year above. I don't know how true that is.

It happened to be that my younger brother is a year younger than me so I ended up being in the same year as my younger brother. People would ask us all the time; "are you twins?" And I would say, "no, I'm a year older than him". And so they would say, "oh, so you must be really dumb".

I remember walking into a new class once and there were a few seats available, but everyone put something next to them so I couldn't sit next to them. That was my wonderful, beautiful, high school experience.

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205 I Can Survive The Zombie Apocalypse Claims Solopreneur Hour Host, Michael O’Neil

April 6, 2017

Michael O'Neal is a speaker, content creator, athlete, coach and on-line entrepreneur. He’s well known for his popular podcast, The Solopreneur Hour where he interviews interesting people who, as he puts it, Zagged, when everyone else Zigged. Although he appears to be fast-paced with many balls in the air at any one time, I see him as a guy who's centered and grounded, mindfully working towards his desired outcomes. You are going to love learning more about Michael O’Neil and how he seems to keep on nailing life.

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Most Influential Person

  • David Wood (Host of The Kick-Ass Life Podcast)

Effect on Emotions

Thoughts On Breathing

  • No suggestions on breathing

Suggested Resources

Bullying Story

If I could time travel I think I would go back and stand up for myself, so I probably wouldn't be mindful. There were 3 or 4 incidents in my life where I was a bit bullied. I'd be the opposite of mindful. I think mindfulness can be considered a very mature concept and even a lot of adults don't understand it and they can't mentally get to where they need to get so they can remove themselves from the equation.

Sometimes there's not enough self-awareness for people to be mindful and so I think that's a bit of a rich concept for a kid whose being bullied. That's not to say that it's impossible.

I'm thinking about this one incident. He was probably one of the bullies of the school and he would do that move where he would hit shoulders in the hallway and he would nail me like a hockey cross check. He would check me as we were walking down the hallway.

He was the kid who could do thirty pull-ups. He was really ripped and super strong. I don't know if he did anything other than have great genetics. He was just a jerk, a jerky kid.

As I'm thinking now, I would probably go to the principal's office and say, look, this is happening and I'm not going to tell you who it is, but don't surprised if I end up in this office. I never did that. I was always scared of the kid.

Knowing what I know now about every one of the incidents; it probably only happened 3 or 4 times when somebody was a jerk to me repeatedly. It's just standing up for yourself a little bit that makes them go to somebody else. I wouldn't have had the capacity (that I have now), to say, I know you're in a lot of pain and I can tell that you probably don't have a very good home life and you're looking at me and you're feeling like you can take advantage of me. Ok, but I bet we've got some stuff in common.

That's where I would go now with it. But that's about sixty percent of what I would do now. The other forty percent's still in Philly and I would fight back now. I'd say, we can talk about it or I can whack you over the head or something.

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204 Utilize All You’ve Got By Being Aware Explains Meditation Minis Host Chel Hamilton

April 3, 2017

Chel Hamilton is a hypnotherapist and has worked in this field for over ten years. She is an expert at helping people overcome their anxieties and fears using her deep understanding of human conscious and subconscious brain functions. She also hosts the Meditation Minis Podcast of short, guided meditations for overcoming anxiety and stress and achieving deep sleep experiences.

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Most Influential Person

  • Me. The times in my life when I feel the most unsteady or the most crazy or the most triggered, those have been massive learning experiences for me.

Effect on Emotions

  • Mindfulness has definitely made me less reactive. I've definitely gotten calmer. Maybe sometimes to the detriment. Sometimes in our interpersonal relationships with a partner when they're being really passionate about something and when we go to the pure, calm, logic side, they're like, omg, you don't get me. What's wrong with you? I'm like, I'm not a Vulcan, I swear. I think sometimes we have to say, oh my god, that's amazing and then go to our calm place.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • One of my favorite little breathing meditations is I do on my podcast; it's Eckhart Tolle nose-focused breathing where you just focus on the edges of the nostrils. That was revolutionary for me because the whole idea of having to pay attention to all of my breathing felt like too much work. Just paying attention to the feeling of the air was really easy to do in any situation in life whether walking from one room to another or while in the middle of an argument or anything. So that is the one practice that is both breathing focused as well as meditation focused. If I could just tell people to do one thing, that would be it.

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Effect on Emotions

My bullying story had nothing mindful about it. It was fourth grade. I went to inner city schools during desegregation. There was a girl there who was not happy with me and she used to beat me up after school, pretty much every day. She didn't stop until one day I hit her over the head with my lunch box. I don't think mindfulness had anything to do with that. She definitely stopped when I whacked her upside of the head with my lunch box.

My son was bullied in middle school as well as my neighbor because we didn't live in the big houses in the fancy part of our district. We lived in the rental homes. I think that, for him, the thing that helped the most was him beginning to understand through some work that he did with me that if he didn't allow them to see any reaction in him, it didn't give them as much pleasure to do the things that they were doing. Learning how to not react in the moment but then to respond.

That's not to say that if somebody is being physical or overly threatening that you need to tell the adults. We actually had to switch schools because adults were told and the bullying got even worse at the school. The shame involved in all of that; because when the kid gets bullied, it's usually shame-based, it's fear and shame-based. The less that they respond in the moment, the less juice it gives the bully.

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203 Experience Less Stress By Being Aware of Your Emotions Says Joshua Spodek

March 30, 2017

Joshua Spodek is a scientist, specifically an astrophysicist and SO much more. He’s an expert in the field of leadership. He can discover and help develop your leadership potential in ways you never imagined. Josh teaches that some of the greatest leaders were NOT born with a leadership gene; they actually developed the skills and confidence to become successful. Joshua has a thorough understanding of mindset and how it can pilot our ship, either in a negative or positive direction. He is also adamant that mindfulness can be a powerful, positive element in your life.

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Most Influential Person

  • The X-girl friend of a roommate. She suggested I might want to learn about mindfulness.

Effect on Emotions

  • Much more awareness. I used to look at reason as being rational, so emotions were irrational. I can understand reason, so I can't understand emotion. That's how I looked at stuff at the time. Meditation and mindfulness makes me much more aware.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • Breathing is the main thing that I focus on. It's the time scale is a regular human time scale; not too fast, not too slow. It's never away; it's always there. One of the things I like about exercise is it gets you to breathe much more deeply than you normally would. When you get that last bit of breath, it's a very satisfying feeling.

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Bullying Story

I don't feel like I was bullied. I do hear people talk about bullying today and they talk about stuff that I experienced, but I don't see it as bullying. I felt like it was a part of childhood. Some things are awesome and some things suck and I had some things that sucked.

My step brother was older than me and he would make fun of me. It wasn't like torture but he would definitely make things difficult for me. It's hard for me to remember how I felt about it at the time. There were definitely times I'd cry as a kid but I also cried when my parents spanked me and I don't call that bullying.

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202 Deal With Anxiety By Stepping Forward Says Expert Tim JP Collins

March 27, 2017

Tim JP Collins is an anxiety expert. After suffering an intense anxiety attack while delivering a speech for his company, Tim realized he had to delve deep into the cause of his debilitating problem. After years of soul searching and self-therapy, Tim has enabled hundreds of anxiety sufferers to become empowered with the knowledge of how to deal with their condition head on. Tim isthe host of the Anxiety Podcast and is a sought-after speaker on the topic.

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Most Influential Person

  • Tim Ferris (Talked a lot in his blog about meditation and slowing down and mindfulness)

Effect on Emotions

  • By allowing me to process them. I think a lot of the time we try to distract ourselves with music or television or exercise and mindfulness means that we actually can fully be present for whatever it is we're feeling.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • I notice that when I was most anxious, I was breathing in my chest. Or breathing up and down is another way to put it; your shoulders are going up and down.
  • One of the things I do to reconnect and ground myself is I rest my hand on the top of my belt or where my belt would be. I just make sure that I'm breathing diaphragmatically; belly breathing in and out, not up and down.

Suggested Resources

Bullying Story

  • I was bullied a decent amount as a chubby pre-teen and teenager. I had my fair share. When I connect back to that anxious feeling in terms of the feeling in my stomach, I think back to when I was at school.
  • I used to take the bus to high school and there were certain characters who were in the school and then recently graduated. They'd be 17 or 18 years old and they'd hang around at the school.
  • A lot of the time the conversations were things like, 'I'll get you after school'. And so I would spend the day, (and I'm 6 foot 3), and I'd stand out a little bit.
  • I'd spend the whole day panicking and being scared and trying to hide and avoid them and sneak onto the bus without being seen and sometimes I'd get away with it and sometimes I wouldn't.
  • That was a fairly persistent thing in my life and for sure I think that people who experience anxiety are maybe more predisposed to being sensitive individuals. I think people with anxiety tend to be more aware of what's going on which can be positive and can be to your detriment. So more aware of conversations, of feelings, of threats.
  • For instance, when I was a teenager I'd walk into a pub and just by feeling the energy in the pub I could tell if we should leave because there was going to be a fight breaking out or something bad's going to happen. Friends would be saying, oh no, it's fine, we're in now. And give it ten or fifteen minutes and something would happen.
  • It was that energetic aggression that I could feel. So a lot of the time at school I was around that and sometimes I got physically punched in the face and I had to try and stand up for myself as a result of it.
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201 How Your Dog Can Improve Your Leadership Skills Explains Dr. Ann Gatty

March 23, 2017

Dr. Ann Gatty is a business consultant with a difference. She partners with her dog; a Great Dane therapy dog named Baretta. Baretta, with Dr. Ann’s help, guides entrepreneurs & executives to a deeper level of mindfulness and other helpful strategies so their businesses will thrive. Dr. Ann is an expert in understanding and improving workplace culture. With lessons shared through Baretta’s perspective, Dr. Ann has authored a book called Leadership Unleashed: A Great Dane’s Wisdom for the Business World.

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Most Influential Person

  • Dr. Jerome Bruner (an American psychologist who made significant contributions to human cognitive psychology and the world of education)

Effect on Emotions

  • I think it just keeps me healthier. I think, mental health-wise, you stay calm, but then you understand how to celebrate and how to show gratitude and how to be thoughtful. That's what I like to do if something goes wrong, rather than saying, 'Gee, this was a loss, I won, I lose. No, I win and I learn so that I do something better. I think that mindfulness is a way that allows you to be introspective. It allows you to show a little metacognition where you can look outside and say what's really going on so that you can have a better perspective on how to analyze situations and how to learn from them.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • One thing you don't know is that years ago when I first arrived in Pennsylvania, I always wanted to sing well so I started to take singing lessons, voice lessons. If you know anything about voice lessons, the first thing they teach you is diaphragmatic breathing. The woman I studied with actually had a heart issue and she said, because of the diaphragmatic breathing it helped her a great deal to overcome some of the heart issues. It's just a healthy way to calm you down and you can reset easier and you're refreshed when you're using diaphragmatic breathing.  This is something that I take with me and if I start to feel that stress feeling, there's nothing like taking three breaths and you start to feel calm and that you're back in control of things and you can move on and be reset.

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Bullying Story

We have to be mindful of what is going around and also we have to be able to come forward if there is an issue and make certain there are specific rules. Just like we have a pack mentality here with the canines. I don't see any bullying there. If one dog starts to bully, you'll see another one coming forward and saying, hey, what's this? This isn't how we play. They sort of monitor each other to make certain that they're not getting into any of this.

In the workplace ... we do a lot of employee policy manuals that we create for our clients as we're helping them with their workplace culture. We just put that right out there because the worst thing you can have is a hostile work environment or anything where there is the slightest concern about bullying because the entire organization goes down; the productivity goes down. People don't do well if they're afraid. People don't do well when they're fearing that there can be some retribution for what is occuring with them in their lives. We put it out there that we won't tolerate this sort of thing and if it does, these are the steps you are to take.

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200 Cancer Mindfulness With Cancer Radio Network Founder Lee Silverstein

March 20, 2017

Lee Silverstein supports people dealing with cancer, and he's an all round connector of individuals. He has a podcast called The Colon Cancer Podcast which he created in 2015, after being diagnosed with Colon Cancer in 2011. Since then, Lee has created The Cancer Radio Network. Lee has helped countless numbers of people through his show and his all around caring personality.

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Most Influential Person

  • My youngest sister, Margie.

Effect on Emotions

  • It's helped keep me centered and it's helped me enjoy the little things that are in front of us every day. In our society, you hear phrases like, thank god it's Friday, or the weekend's coming. I just don't subscribe to that because you're ignoring what could be right in front of you today on Monday. Monday could be an amazing day. And Tuesday could be an amazing day. Why do we have to look forward to something in the future to find that happiness? You can touch someone and have an impact on someone's life or something special could be right in front of you if you just take the time to look.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • I watched a video a couple of years ago by Dr. Andrew Weil who shared a calming, breathing practice. Perhaps many of Mindful Tribe have heard this. It's the 4 - 7 - 8 breathing cadence. You slowly inhale for the count of 4. You hold your breath for the count of 7. You exhale for the count of 8. You do that four times. It brings you centered, it slows your heart rate and brings you calmness.
  • It's a nice thing to do if you're having a little trouble trying to fall asleep. When you first lay down, do four of those and it calms you, keeps you centered and really helps you take on a mindfulness mode.

Suggested Resources

Bullying Story

I grew up in a very close family. I have two younger sisters. I'm very close with my sisters, my parents, all of my cousins. But we moved around fairly frequently all through grade school. Dad was fortunate in that new and better jobs seemed to come his way fairly often which meant I didn't spend more than two years in the same school from kindergarten up until ninth grade.

Being the new kid in school is not most student's favorite role to be in. That resulted in quite a bit of bullying until high school. In high school that was not an issue. There's a lot of not great memories of being bullied, for being the new kid, for not being the most athletic kid. All the same reasons unfortunately that kids like to pick on other children. I do have some fairly vivid memories about that.

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