Mindfulness Mode
Attachment Theory and Mindfulness

Attachment Theory and Mindfulness

June 20, 2021

Attachment theory is connected to relationships and bonds between people, including long-term relationships, short-term relationships, parent-child relationships, and romantic relationships. It is a theory developed by the British psychologist, John Bowlby, who described attachment as “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.”

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If you believe your life is unfolding the way it is because of attachment issues, what can you do about it? How can you take control of your life?

One of the things you can do is to become more aware of your conscious mind and how it is controlling your actions. Notice your patterns and how they are keeping you in a particular place. Before I understood the difference between the conscious and subconscious mind, I felt like there was a war within myself. Having interviewed over 650 guests for Mindfulness Mode, I’ve come to believe that a majority of the populations is experiencing this ‘Inner Bully’ to a certain degree.
Maybe you want to go to the gym or eat healthier and it’s just not happening no matter how hard you try. Maybe it’s about being more productive or you want to stop self sabotaging your relationships. Have you come to realize that you’re falling back into those same ruts or patterns. This is usually a sign that your conscious mind has one intention and your subconscious mind have another. It’s the subconscious mind that always wins in the end.

Tune into the episode to learn more about attachment theory.

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Mindfulness For Perpetual Hope; Dr. Rosalind Tompkins

Mindfulness For Perpetual Hope; Dr. Rosalind Tompkins

June 16, 2021

Dr. Rosalind Tomkins is the founder and president of Mothers in Crisis, Inc., a non-profit organization committed to linking families and communities together to provide networks of support and encouragement for families to live productively, empowered, hope-filled lives. Recognized as a Hopeologist®, she received a Doctorate of Humanities Degree from the Five-Fold Ministry Theological University in 2012, recognizing her as a Humanitarian for the work that she has done to end drug and alcohol addiction. She’s the author of several books including Nimble Anointed Words Empower, As Long As There is Breath In Your Body, There is Hope, and You Are Beautiful. She’s also a columnist for the Tallahassee Democrat Newspaper and resides in Tallahassee, Florida.

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Most Influential Person

  • Jesus

Effect on Emotions

  • My blood pressure has gone down and I've become more active, and am able to stretch. I always wanted to be able to do that. My breathing is better and I have more energy.
  • It's a wonderful state of being to have that sense of well-being and peace.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • Breathing is so very important. I've learned to listen to different music and sounds that have helped facilitate that.
  • I have been able to get into that rhythm and to lower the beats per minute that my heart pumps. A lot of times, if we could just stop and breathe, then everything else would change, the whole atmosphere would change.
  • The situation may not change but we would change in the situation, if we would just stop and breathe.

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Bullying Story

  • When you start talking about bullying and things of that nature, it automatically brings back memories of childhood and some of the situations that I have gone through as I was growing up in the south.
  • When I went to elementary school was when they desegregated the school system. I remember very clearly how my aunt was a school teacher and worked in one of the best schools in Pensacola and she brought me and my brother along with her so that we could be a part of that education.
  • I remember being pinched and called names as a kindergartener. If the teachers had been practicing mindfulness it would have made a big difference. They would have been able to have deescalated some of the rhetoric and then I would know that I would have had someone to talk to.

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Love and Compassion To Counter Hate

Love and Compassion To Counter Hate

June 13, 2021

Hate is the topic today; how mindfulness, love, and compassion can help diminish hate. I did a search on my database of shows and found out that the word hate has never been used in any of my podcast titles. And that’s nearly 700 titles. I find that interesting. I’ve been thinking a lot about fear, anger and hate lately and how they are connected and I’ve come to the conclusion that hate is a huge problem in our world. Of course that's a huge understatement.

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If hate is such a huge problem, why do we want to avoid the subject so much? Surely someone would have come on my show and talked about hate to the extent that the word would have ended up in the title?

Attachment disorder is something that we’ve talked about quite a bit on the show. It causes a lot of problems with our mindset and our ability to have lasting relationships. My topic next week is going to be attachment disorder, so tune in next week for that episode. 

Our inner bully causes all kinds of problems, and many of those problems boil down to fear and hate.

Is Your Ego Protecting You?

As you know, our ego is essentially trying to protect us, but sometimes it doesn’t do a very good job of that. Our ego can be shortsighted, and only think about protecting us now. It isn’t good at looking at our overall future and looking after us in the long run.

So here’s the reason I’m talking about hate today.

Growing Like Sourdough

I focus every day on including thoughts in my meditation like, I see God in everyone and everything, with compassion. I meditate on that phrase and think about compassion a lot. I believe if I hate something and entertain the thought of hating something, that hate is going to be like a sticky, dark substance, creeping within my body and brain. It will expand and grow like the sourdough starter we had a few weeks ago in our kitchen. 

That’s how I think of hate. It’s very closely related to fear. It comes from fear. Fear stems from the unknown. It is a feeling of not knowing what’s coming next. Maybe I won’t be safe or maybe my family won't be safe.

Our ego wants us to be safe in every moment. Therefore, sometimes we have to step out of our safety-zone and do what feels dangerous. Doing that will cause us to grow, no matter what happens.

Living The Safe Life

But what if we never step out of our safety zone? What if we decide to live a life of constant safety, never taking any kind of risk?

For me that sounds like a prison sentence. Being locked up so you can never have freedom to do things that seem different, risky, unique.

Why Talk About Hate?

I still haven't told you why hate is on my mind.

Last Sunday, a family in our city of London Ontario, went out for a relaxing evening walk. Mom and Dad, grandma, and the two children, their son, 9 and daughter 15.

They never returned home because a hate-filled man saw them on the sidewalk and killed them.

He didn’t shoot them. That might have happened in some places, but gun violence is not big here. He didn’t stab them or throw a grenade.

He saw them as he was driving his pickup truck down the street and he deliberately ran them down, killing 4 of them and injuring the 9 year old boy.

Hate Crime

Police immediately stated that this was a deliberate hate crime against those people because of their culture and religion.

I am well aware that in some parts of the world, violence, bombing, and killing, against people because of their faith and culture, is fairly common. But it’s not common in Canada.

In fact, many people in the world think of Canada as peace loving and peace keeping. For years, people in war torn countries have emigrated to Canada, believing it’s a safe country to come to.

Feeling Unsafe

I certainly feel safe here in Canada, but I’m horrified to think of the hate that would cause a man to deliberately attack and kill an innocent family, a muslim family.

We don’t know a lot of details yet, but we know it was a hate crime. I feel so much pain about this. And this kind of hate and anger is directly connected to mindfulness.

When you begin to explore mindfulness, you begin to notic e your emotions. Maybe you’ve been suppressing them for years, maybe you don’t know why you have outbursts, or why you have listed you adult life being addicted to cocaine, or meth. Maybe you only know how to make endless money with what you do, but you don’t know how to relate to people, or keep a happy relationship working in your life. Maybe for you, it’s the opposite, you can’t seem to make money no matter what you do, and you can figure out why those around you have no trouble keeping a flow of money into their life, but you feel like money is a constant struggle.

Fear's Nasty Cousin

All of this boils down to fear. And fear expresses itself as anger.

If people that I see in my community chose to wear different clothes from me, maybe a turban, or a hijab, so what. We live in a free world. Why shouldn’t people be free to practice whatever religion they want? Why shouldn’t people be able to dress how they want and not feel that they’ll be judged by others, and possibly attacked or killed?

Homophobia has been a big part of our world, certainly in many areas. Sometimes it’s hidden and sometimes it’s out in the open. There are people who disown their child when they find out they are gay. People who are gay should be able to live their life as they want and not feel scared every time they go out in public.

The same is true for Jews, or Hindus, or Muslims, or Christians or other groups who are peace loving.

Precious People

You might remember me mentioning that I was a full-time music teacher, then worked for over 10 years in bullying prevention. Sometimes I do substitute teaching. Because we’ve welcomed many people here to Canada, I often have lots of children from many cultures. Sometimes three quarter of the class or more are from foreign countries. You know what? They are loveable, kind, precious people who deserve to be safe in our country.

Feelings of hate that people have, go back to anger.

I used to think that words like homophobia, and zenaphonia were so strange because we know the word phobia refers to a fear of something.

Now I realize that fear is the root emotion of hate. Hate is formed out of fear and there is massive amount of hate in the world.

Obviously, this is not new. We know that hate is a problem, but the thing is, hate erodes your own opinion of yourself. Rather, if you have a low opinion of yourself, fear and hate is a product of that. Fear comes out of self-loathing.

Are You Enough?

That’s why I talk about self-bullying so much. It’s wide-spread. So many people suffer because they don’t believe they are ‘enough’. They believe there is something wrong with them. Have you ever wondered what’s wrong with you? Just take a minute and be honest with yourself. Have you ever had moments when you thought, I just can’t figure out how to be happy. Or I don’t know why I can’t have a great relationship with someone. Maybe, like I said earlier, your problem has to do with anxiety, depression, addiction of some kind, or even that constant inner voice telling you you’re a loser.

All of these problems are related to your Inner Bully. And all of these problems can be reversed and helped with hypnosis because hypnosis is about reaching your emotions, examining what thoughts you’ve attached to events in your life, and going back and changing those thoughts. It’s about your conscious and sub-conscious mind.

I said all those problems can be reversed, but I want to make something clear. Those problems can only be reversed if you want that for yourself. You have to want to change and want to become different. And the amount of WANT is important. If you’re just a little ho-hum, a bit wishy-washing about wanting a change, it’s likely not going to happen, even with hypnosis.

How Deep's Your Passion?

My most successful clients, are people who came to me after trying so many methods to change. They’ve read books, listened to podcasts, tried new habits, got close to nature, taken supplements, but it was hypnosis that made the difference. That’s because those people were passionate about wanting to change their lives. And I mean passionate with a capital P.

Sometimes I explained that we’d possibly be going back to relive some tough moments in their lives, or we’d have to revisit some hurtful or angry times in their lives.

My successful clients were people who responded by saying, ‘Let’s Do It’. Where do I sign up?

Why, Why, Why?

I don’t know why that 20 year old guy in my city would have so much anger against Muslims, that he would plan to kill an innocent family. I can only imagine that it’s all about xenophobia.

This attacker is almost the same age as my own son. I went to the funeral yesterday for the four family members that were killed. I wanted to show my support as a Canadian who believes there’s no room for hate in our hearts. There’s only room for love and compassion.

The funeral was about love and compassion and one of the statements that was made was as they prayed for the surviving 9 year old boy, was that “all hatred and resentment would be removed from his heart”.

If we vow to bring love and compassion into our heart, then hate will diminish. Hate will be cornered out.

I want to send as much love and light as possible into the heart of the 20 year old man who did this, and his family. I can’t even imagine the torture his twin sister and his family must be experiencing.

Obviously this will go to trial and information will come out. I only know what has been released in the media.

Thoughts From Our Leader

Prime Minister Trudeau came to London and spoke to Canadians about hate and how “we can and we must act … to confront the ugly face of hatred. I want all Canadians to know that we are all diminished when any one of us is targeted. We need to stand up and reject racism and terror and work together to embrace what makes our country strong – our diversity.”

I’m glad our Prime Minister has addressed this act of terrorism the way he has and I just hope that serious work will be done by the government to address this problem of hate and of racist, xenophobic attitudes and behaviours.

Where Is The Answer?

As a mindfulness teacher and coach, I believe the answer to this problem lies within each of us. It has to start with me, with every one of us. What are my thoughts, my views, my opinions? What is the internal dialogue going on in my own mind? Am I listening to the voice of my inner bully? Am I strong enough to change this dialogue?

What I’ve found out from you, Mindful Tribe, is that a lot of us are frustrated and suffering. We want to be strong and deal with our inner bully, deal with our addiction, or our loneliness, or whatever other problem may seem central in your life.

We Must Help Each Other

We have to help each other. Some of us have skills we can use to help others have a more contented and happy life. I’m grateful and honoured to be able to help so many people through challenges.

Maybe you’re experiencing fear, frustration, and maybe a specific challenge like I’ve mentioned. Maybe you’ve been putting it off and haven’t found the courage to reach out. I would say to you, this is your time. Be strong, make up your mind to set up a 30 minute call with me to find out if you're a candidate for hypnosis. Email me at bruce@MindfulnessMode.com and we’ll talk about how hypnosis, combined with my coaching, will be the key to transition your life from frustration, to contentment and happiness. This is your time. I’ll tell you about some of my clients who are now experiencing a sense of freedom and peace in their lives as a result of the hypnosis sessions they've experienced.

You Are A Gift

Bring more love into your heart. Start with you. You are a gift from the universe and the more you believe that, the more compassion you’ll have for yourself. And the more compassion you have for yourself, the less room you’ll have in your heart for hate and negativity. Contentment is possible for you. Right now you may think it couldn’t happen, but it can. It’s up to you to make up your mind to do the work, make a change, and move forward.

Trudeau is right. We must confront the ugly face of hatred. And if hate is living within your heart, that hate is eating away at you. It’s a negativity that doesn’t belong there.

Make up your mind to make a change. Live with mindfulness, welcome nature, and meditation, and confront your inner bully in the many ways we address here on the show.

Thanks for listening. Peace be with you.

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Shift Your State At Your Command; Ronny Leber

Shift Your State At Your Command; Ronny Leber

June 9, 2021

Ronny Leber is a keynote speaker and event host for corporate and sports events and has worked live with more than 5 million people worldwide over the course of his career. He is one of the few trainers for Tony Robbins and loves to incorporate mindfulness along with the human and emotional component into his speeches to create, together with the audience, unique and extraordinary emotions they will remember forever.

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Most Influential Person

  • Tony Robbins

Effect on Emotions

  • The beautiful thing about this is that there is always a way. When you think there is no way, just take a step back, take a deep breath, connect to yourself, and then look at it with fresh eyes, and that's going to change your whole spectrum.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • Breathing plays a huge role in my mindfulness. Oftentimes what happens is when we are so out of our minds, that our breathing is very shallow and in our chests.
  • As for me also, as a public speaker, it's all about shifting the breath to the belly. Breathe in with the whole body and when you are taking 3, 4, 5, deep breaths in, hold the oxygen inside of you, breathe it out, do it again. Just talking about that makes me a lot calmer.

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Bullying Story

  • I've been a care-giver at many youth camps in the past and I have been confronted with bullying. In elementary school it happened, but nobody meant any harm but it happened.
  • When my wife was a kid, she was very skinny at the time, many people made fun of her, in school, her family, her brothers. For example they'd say when the wind is blowing, you're going to be blown away. She created a lot of complexes out of that.
  • Even when she was going somewhere, even if someone else didn't bring it up, she would bring it up herself, because she was so insecure about it. If it was windy, she would be very quiet because she didn't want to attract attention to herself and then have someone make a joke about her.
  • She just realized this many years later and at a Tony Robbins event she finally realized it was time to close the chapter and let go.

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Hit Your Emotional Reset Button

Hit Your Emotional Reset Button

June 6, 2021

Wouldn’t you love to be able to just reset your brain? Are you like me? Are there times when there are so many thoughts swirling around your brain, and you just want them to stop? We talk about the self-bullying that a lot of us have going on in our brain and this is what it feels like so much of the time.

Are you receiving alerts that something is wrong? I’ve received alerts in the past that something is wrong and I had no idea what the alert meant.

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Are you receiving alerts that something is wrong? I’ve received alerts in the past that something is wrong and I had no idea what the alert meant.

I’ve learned that when I see an alert on my printer, it definitely means something. It’s out of paper or it’s low on ink. I know I have to deal with it, or else I’m not going to be doing much printing.

Is Your Trouble Light Flashing?

The same is true in my car. I once ignored an engine light on a car I was driving, and I ended up being stranded on a 4-lane highway, with a hot, steaming engine. That wasn’t much fun.

So I learned that when a warning light on the dash lights up, the responsible thing to do is to actually deal with the problem that the warning light is referring to.

Our emotions are like those warning lights on the car. I’ve heard people call them trouble lights, because they usually warn you of trouble brewing somewhere.

I’m sure you’ve seen them, lights that refer to overheating: Low Tire inflation, Door Ajar, Tailgate Ajar, Windshield Washer Low, Engine Coolant Level Low, Fuel Level Low.

Your Personal Trouble Lights

Did you know your emotions are like those warning lights? Emotions are the human body’s way of telling you something needs attention.

With the human body, the warning lights are in the form of emotions like anger, pain, guilt, sadness, stress, frustration, and loneliness, among others.

Experiencing Pain?

If you experience pain, you’d better do something about it. If it’s anger, or anxiety, or loneliness, or sadness, you can take action and do something to deal with that emotion too.

None of those emotions are bad, they’re just happening to tell us that something is going on that we need to deal with. Sometimes we think certain emotions are bad or negative, but if you figure out why the emotion is happening, you’ll likely come to the conclusion that it’s not necessarily bad, or good, it just is.

I have to admit, there have been times when I just want to take a piece of black tape and stick it over the Engine Warning light on certain cars I’ve had. I just wanted to pretend that warning light wasn’t appearing, and sometimes, I’d convince myself that the light itself was malfunctioning and there really was nothing wrong with the car.

Covering Up Emotions

I’ve done that with my emotions sometimes. I’d get angry, and I’d want to cover it up and pretend it wasn’t there. What do we do to cover up our emotions? We get ‘Crazy Busy’, doing things that help us forget about the anger. Sometimes, we shop, or go on a trip, or use a substance. That substance might be food, marijuana, booze, cocaine, crack or other drugs. Those substances help you forget that your warning lights are on. They can help us forget, at least in the short term, but usually we end up with way bigger problems as a result of covering up the emotion in the first place.

But how do we actually deal with the emotion without pushing it away or pretending it isn’t there?

Taking Action

Fortunately, there are a lot of things you can do.

A lot of you would likely talk to a trusted friend. How great do you feel when you’ve had a chance to really share what’s bothering you with someone you like and trust? I think we’re supposed to lean on each other for help and to hopefully be able to be vulnerable enough to open up and vent what we’re feeling emotionally.

Some people talk to a counselor or therapist. That can certainly be helpful. Another thing that can help immensely is to write. Pour your thoughts out in the form of words, either on paper or computer screen. This is one of those activities that, for me anyway, I have to make it a habit. I have to write on a regular basis or else I drift away from it and all of a sudden realize I haven’t written anything in three or four weeks.

Another way to get to the bottom of what your emotions are telling you is to bring some nature into your life. Immerse yourself. Go for a swim in the ocean. Or drive through the mountains. Really, any way you can get into nature can help you work through your emotions and start feeling better again.

Give yourself some time and space away from your everyday life and embrace nature. Let it help you heal and renew yourself.

Meditation is another way that we've talked a lot about on the show. I've included some links to specific shows where we talk about meditation. It can make a huge difference in your life

Sharon Salzberg Quote

“We can’t control what thoughts and emotions arise within us, nor can we control the universal truth that everything changes. But we can learn to step back and rest in the awareness of what’s happening. That awareness can be our refuge.” Sharon Salzberg

The Incident Happened

There’s one other way. Find what has triggered your emotional warning lights and change your thinking around that trigger. The event or incident happened and we can’t change that. What we can do is change our thoughts surrounding the event. Change how we think about what happened.

Some of those incidents were devastating or traumatic and our brains actually pushed them out of sight. We can’t even remember in our subconscious mind what happened. It’s still in there, but it’s buried. Through hypnosis, that incident can be found again, and we can attach different thoughts to what happened.

I can tell you an example. Last year, I had a client who had a huge amount of anxiety. She didn’t know why, but when I hypnotized her, she took me to a place where she was 6 years old and she and her father were alone at home and she was drawing the Union Jack for school. She was having trouble and her dad started to lose his patience because she was not drawing it right. He started yelling at her and one of the things he said was, “are you dense? It’s simple, just do it right.” 

That was the first time her dad had talked to her like that, but it wasn’t the last.

As strange as it sounds, my client was able to quickly change her thinking pattern so that every time she replayed that recording in her mind saying “are you dense”?, she replaced it with a different statement, a positive statement that empowered her, that made her feel confident and strong.

After that, she trained her mind to encourage herself, every time a doubt message would pop into her brain.

She told me later, she said, it was simple to do, but I couldn’t do it without help. I felt powerless to change that inner bully and stop it from the constant putdowns.

Hit Reset

You can Hit Your Emotional Reset Button, and you can do that by noticing your emotions and then dealing with them. Make up your mind to do the work. Promise yourself you’ll take action. This is the weakest link. This is where more people fail than at any other step and this is true for me too. In the past, I would read the books, watch the videos, hire the coach, but sometimes just not take the required action at the right time. When is the right time? I’ll bet you know instinctively. The right time is now. Make up your mind to be assertive. Decide what you’re going to do and make it a habit. Write down your plans and by writing it down it will become more real and concrete. If you need help, ask someone who can help you that you trust. If no one pops into your mind, give it some thought.

You CAN deal with your Emotions. You CAN confront your Inner Bully. You CAN hit the emotional reset button after your emotions have served you. Whatever you decide to do, please something. Take action. If you know in your gut that I’m the one to help you, send me an email, bruce@mindfulnessmode.com with “Reset Button” in the subject line. Then I’ll know you heard me on this episode. We’ll have a 30 minute Zoom chat and see if it’s a fit for you to work with me. All the very best to you, Bye now.

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Have you been trying to break through a mind block? Are you discouraged? It’s not hopeless. YOU CAN DO IT. I coach people just like you. I’m Bruce Langford, a practicing hypnotist, and I love to help people just like you! Feel good about your life and accomplishments. Regain confidence. Book a Free Consultation to get you on the road to being grounded and centered. Email me: bruce@mindfulnessmode.com with ‘Reset Button' in the subject line.
Into The Nothing With Gabriel Cousens

Into The Nothing With Gabriel Cousens

June 2, 2021

Gabriel Cousens is a 77-year-old world renowned holistic physician, rabbi, yogi, spiritual mystic, psychiatrist, family therapist, vital-@-any-age advocate, humanitarian and peace ambassador, who walks the planet in the state of Eternal Presence seeing the emanating light from all things, and yet living in the very real world where his good works and spiritual guidance change lives daily. He lives, as he says, in the world between Nothing (the world beyond time) and Something (the temporal world). Gabriel experiences a fully integrated life in multiple dimensions. He is happy, joyful, grateful, loving and peaceful without any exterior reason because that is the nature of the primordial consciousness. As Dr. Cousens says, “there is found the true freedom”.

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Most Influential Person

  • Swami Mukundananda (Global spiritual leader, best selling author, Vedic scholar, and authority on mind management)

Effect on Emotions

  • Most of us start ‘reactive' to life and to the life choices we make.
  • Over time, with meditation and this lifestyle, we become interactive so there's more choice and more presence.
  • There are more choice of options cause you're operating from a quiet mind and a quiet heart so you're less likely to be reactive in that way.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • Traditionally, from a yogic point of view, (we call it pranayama), why did they add it? They added it because pranayam, or breathing exercises, help quiet the mind.
  • When you're doing your breathing exercises, they naturally bring the mind to a quiet, still point.

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Bullying Story

  • I've never been bullied and I've never bullied anybody. Nobody would bully me, let's just put it that way. I'm not that kind of person.
  • The story that I think is important about mindfulness was more by accident. As a captain of an undefeated football team, we had no training, but I would go into what, clearly was meditation. On the defence I played middle line backer.
  • I would just sit in a state of silence with a totally quiet, mindful mind. It gave me the ability to move in any direction once the play started.
  • Having a quiet mind, sitting there as a middle line-backer, I'm ready to go in any direction because there's no distractions.

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Have you been trying to break through a mind block? Are you discouraged? It’s not hopeless. YOU CAN DO IT. I coach people just like you. I’m Bruce Langford, a practicing hypnotist, and I love to help people just like you! Feel good about your life and accomplishments. Regain confidence. Book a Free Consultation to get you on the road to being grounded and centered. Email me: bruce@mindfulnessmode.com with ‘Into The Nothing' in the subject line.

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Move Into Possible

Move Into Possible

May 30, 2021

Today I’m talking about moving to a new, better place in your life. The episode is about your inner bully and how you can transition your life to be more, to accomplish more, to do everything you believe is possible. That’s why I entitled the episode, Move Into Possible. Becoming more mindful will help you when you learn what it means to deal with your Inner Bully. I remember when I started the podcast back in 2015, a lot of people would give me a blank stare when I said my podcast was going to be about Mindfulness and Bullying and how a lot of us Bully Ourselves, causing incredible hardships, pushing us into doing terrible things we’d never normally do, forcing us to listen to terrible, negative and mean stories about ourselves.

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That Inner Bully is always at work. But most people didn’t realize that Mindfulness and Bullying are closely related. The themes of my shows tell a story about so many of my coaching clients that have come to me. I could tell you story after story about so many of my awesome Mindful Tribe listeners who have reached out for coaching from me. The thing is, the stories are similar in many ways.

Common Denominators

The common denominators are anxiety, stress, frustration, money’s not flowing, relationships are breaking, businesses aren’t clicking. And I get it. I’ve been there.

I had so much anxiety when I was an adolescent, I could barely operate in the world. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I was afraid to speak, my voice was a high, squeaky, remnant of what it was supposed to be. I felt defeated and didn’t have any idea what to do about it.

The Inner Bully

My inner bully was thriving at the time. It told me, “no one wants to hear from you”. “Just keep your mouth shut, and don’t do anything to attract attention to yourself”.

Even though my inner bully was robust and healthy, there was a little voice inside me that wouldn’t give up.

Who is Reme?

That other voice inside me was the Real Me. I didn’t know it at the time, but the Real Me was like a flickering candle that wouldn’t go out. Sometimes the flicker was almost invisible, hidden behind something, or fading to almost nothing, but it was there. Real Me was my friend and I was grateful for him. After while, I started to know Real Me as Reme (or Remy). I shortened him to the first 2 letters of each word and I started to get to know Reme even better.

A Flicker of Hope

Reme told me there was hope. He told me to push forward and, Take Action – push ahead. Don’t give up. He was a great friend. He was on my side. Every time I thought of Reme, I knew he was Real Me, the person I was meant to be.

I learned so much from Reme that I have shared over the years with all of you who asked me for help, all my coaching clients.

Now I’ll tell you right now, I never told most of you that I had named this guy, Reme. I think my Inner Bully had convinced me that Reme was a stupid name and I needed to keep that to myself.

It was never easy deciphering which voice was which. My Inner Bully was so cunning and tricky, he would pose as Reme and I’d sometimes get tricked.

Taking Action

But like I said, when Reme got me to take action, everything improved and I would feel better, I would feel successful, I’d accomplish things in my life.

Then as more and more people came to me, because they knew I was a Mindfulness Life Coach, I was able to help them with their Inner Bully.

I remember one client, I’ll call her Natalie, I mean confidentiality is huge in coaching so for a long time I never talked about my coaching clients at all, then I realized I needed to ask them if I could share their stories. Natalie said yes, but she preferred I didn’t use her real name.

Natalie's Story

She came to me because of a work situation, where she was frustrated with her boss. Her boss was bullying her, she didn’t realize it was bullying at the time, but her boss was making her life miserable, and she didn’t know what to do about.

As we worked through her emotions around her work situation, it turned out that not only was her boss bullying her, Natalie was her own worst bully.

She then began to realize that this applied to every area of her life, her relationships, her family, her work, even her down time.

After 3 hypnosis sessions, Natalie seemed like a different person. And she told me, she said, “Bruce, I could never have believed that 3 hypnosis sessions would change my life in such a dramatic way”.

Move Into Possible

So I called today’s episode, Move Into Possible. So many of my clients have felt disempowered for so long, they came to a point where they didn’t think any of their goals were possible to achieve.

Glenn, a client from last year, said, “Bruce, I honestly got to the point where I didn’t believe I could earn money. I didn’t believe I was capable of earning money”.

In his case, we found out that when he was a young child, he father used to belittle him, and if he ever asked his dad for a few dollars, his dad would say, “I don’t have any money”, and he’d open his wallet and show his son that it was empty.

Living With Lack

This began a “lack” mentality in Glenn. His Inner Bully kept reminding Glenn that money was scarce, that there would never be enough money. That money was limited.

There is a way YOU can Move Into Possible. You have to believe, and you have to take action. The other thing you have to do is something I talk about a lot. You have to understand how to “let go”.

Your way of letting go might be completely different from someone else. You can learn to let go as a result of journaling, especially after you spend quite a bit of time writing and putting to paper, all kinds of thoughts and ideas that are floating around in your brain.

Doing The Work

That’s called, Doing The Work. For most of us, our natural tendency is to avoid the work. As soon as we feel that uncomfortable feeling coming through via our emotions, we decide to do something to cover up that painful feeling. That feeling might be fear, it might be anger, it might be pain. The feeling could be anxiety, stress, or worry.

How do we cover up those emotions? In our society, we find a bunch of ways. One is to avoid the feeling by doing some busy work. Doing something that you enjoy, but its really not going to get you anywhere. Can you think of any examples in your life?

Busy, Busy, Busy

My clients have told me lots of ways they do this. Video games, cleaning, Netflix, going to a bar, shopping, there are so many things people do to push down and suppress their emotions.

The way you Move Into Possible, is to notice those emotions as soon as they happen, and then act on them, rather than suppressing them. If you’re experiencing anxiety, you need to understand what that anxiety is about. What is the root cause? What is the underlying reason that anxiety is showing itself in your life.

Once you identify the emotion, then in order to Move Into Possible, you need to Take Action and do something that will actually move you to a better place. And I think I hear you saying, “how do I know what the better place looks like?”

Where Are You Going?

The answer is that you have to know where you’re going. The majority of humans don’t have a specific idea where they’re headed in life. They don’t have concrete goals or a specific idea of exactly what they want their life to look like. This is important.

To Move Into Possible, you need to know where you’re going. Otherwise, you will flounder in life, you’ll wonder why you’re moving in circles and not necessarily getting to where you’d like to be.

Some of the people I interview have always had a clear plan as to where they want to go in life. Others were kind of floating from place to place, and finally came to the realization they needed help, they couldn’t do it on their own.
There is a way to move forward and feel happy and content in your life.

Tune into the episode on your favorite podcast app to hear more strategies and the remainder of this episode to help you become more grounded, feel good about your life, and stop feeling stuck.

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Have you been trying to break through a mind block? Are you discouraged? It’s not hopeless. YOU CAN DO IT. I coach people just like you. I’m Bruce Langford, a practicing hypnotist, and I love to help people just like you! Feel good about your life and accomplishments. Regain confidence. Book a Free Consultation to get you on the road to being grounded and centered. Email me: bruce@mindfulnessmode.com with ‘Move Into Possible' in the subject line
Your Presence is a Superpower; Elizabeth Tripp

Your Presence is a Superpower; Elizabeth Tripp

May 26, 2021

Elizabeth Tripp is the owner and founder of Live Life By Your Design, a premium coaching practice that guides entrepreneurs, visionaries, coaches, and healers to be empowered to build lifestyles they love. She teaches her clients, using her gifts and the lessons she has learned from her own personal soul’s journey, that the secret to creating a lifestyle you love begins with loving the body you’re in. With her coaching, clients dissolve their limitations and bridge their minds and bodies to their soul’s desires. Elizabeth is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and holds a master’s degree in Nutritional Sciences. She is certified as a Usui Reiki Practitioner, Past Life Regressionist, and a Transcendental Meditation Coach. Elizabeth has served clients as a Master Coach since 2016 studying Light Body Healing and the soul journey.

 

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Contact Info

Most Influential Person

  • My coach, Alex. Located in Virginia Beach.

Effect on Emotions

  • Emotions are a part of the human experience, but they are not who I am. They are temporary and impermanent.
  • I always have a choice about how I want to feel and what I want to think.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • Breathing is part of my mindfulness every day. Breath is how you connect with your physical temple, your sacred temple, this body that you're riding in.
  • With breath we can come back home and we can come back into alignment with who we really are by drawing a presence as we slow down to ourselves.
  • So breath is essential in that mindfulness practice in growing that alignment to yourself and getting to know who you are.

Suggested Resources

Bullying Story

  • I was bullied as a kid, I was an overweight kid and that's why I had so much interest to go into nutrition. I was a very sensitive, empathic girl growing up. I could feel everybody's feelings and I had no idea what to do with this overwhelming sense of, I know what everybody's going through. It was really wild.
  • Because my parents weren't equipped to necessarily nurture this kind of empathic child, it was perfect for me, but at the time I would seek comfort with food. I would pack on the food to help me feel better but really pack on the pounds, as I did that.
  • I went into middle school after a couple years of using food as comfort. I was 5 foot 6 and 175 pounds. I was bigger than the other girls at 13. Most girls that age would be 95 to 115 pounds. The boys in my class made it very apparent that I was different and they teased me from the sixth grade to the eighth grade. They would do things like put notes in my locker and whisper things in my ear like ‘you're ugly' and ‘you're fat'.
  • It was really hard for me, very painful because I already felt weird and I didn't fit in. I felt I wasn't lovable and that I wasn't liked by my peers.
  • At the time I went really deep inside and I really hid the pain that I was feeling with food and also making the choice not to eat. It was fascinating to look back on. I went from stuffing my feelings in, to suddenly making a choice and saying, ‘I'm just not going to eat, I'm not going to feel'. I lost 60 pounds in 18 months.
  • By the time I went into high school I was a completely different looking human. I was skinny. People liked me. They said I was pretty. I had no idea how to handle it. In my mind, my dialogue was that ‘I was ugly'.
  • If I had been able to be connected with people who could provide me with tools like being able to be in touch with emotion and know that emotion is a normal part of being a human, and what to do with emotions, and how to let them out, then I think it would have produced a child that could have been more empowered to be able to stand in herself and make better choices with food and her body and speak up for the experience that she was going through because I didn't tell anybody about what happened to me. That would have been very, very useful.

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Have you been trying to break through a mind block? Are you discouraged? It’s not hopeless. YOU CAN DO IT. I coach people just like you. I’m Bruce Langford, a practicing hypnotist, and you will get results with my help! Feel good about your life and accomplishments. Regain confidence. Book a Free Consultation to get you on the road to being grounded and centered. Email me: bruce@mindfulnessmode.com with ‘I Believe In Me' in the subject line.
Let Forgiveness Bring You Peace

Let Forgiveness Bring You Peace

May 23, 2021

Let’s talk about forgiveness. It can be a challenge to let go of the past, but it is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your peace of mind. Holding onto anger or resentment will only cause stress and sadness in your life. For some of us, there is anger seething just below the surface and you probably don’t realize the extent of the damage it is causing.

When you forgive someone who has hurt you, it helps to release that person from being a part of your story. Let go of what was done to you by forgiving them with compassion, understanding, and love instead. You deserve happiness too!

Letting go can be difficult but it is worth doing. A common believe is that forgiveness is for the other person, yet you will receive profound benefit and peace as a result of learning to let go of the internal stories that are holding you back. Learning to let go is a constant theme of mindfulness, and learning to let go is what forgiveness is all about.

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Many of my guests have talked on the show about how life changing the teachings of Eckhart Tolle have been in their lives. He wrote The Power Of Now, and that book is by far, the most recommended book on Mindfulness Mode.

This morning, I decided to listen to Eckhart Tolle during my run. I usually listen to a track that allows me to do 7th Path Self Hypnosis, but today I listened to the audio of The Power of Now. Do not equate what someone did to what they are as a person.

Forgiveness Defined

Eckhart Tolle defines forgiveness this way. He says forgiveness is not to harbor grievance or resentment or any negative feeling about a specific event or person.

He says forgiveness is only possible when you are connected with the formless in yourself.

Hanging On?

If you are struggling with anxiety or stress, it may be because you are hanging on to something that you need to let go of. A lot of people live for years hanging on to stories and beliefs that someone wronged them. If that’s you, it’s important for you to realize that these beliefs are holding you back, they’re harming you. These stories are preventing you from living your best life. You would have way more peace and contentment if you were able to let go of the stories that say you’ve been wronged somehow.

Forgiveness is a choice and for a long time I didn’t realize that. I didn’t’ understand that, in a second, I could decide to let go of the story that I played over and over in my mind, the story that I had somehow been wronged or mistreated.

Not An Obligation

Forgiveness is not an obligation. You are usually the one to receive the greatest benefit from forgiving someone or some thing. A lot of people think that forgiving serves the person that you are forgiving. That’s usually a misconception. It can be a benefit to the other person, but the benefit is usually for you, the one doing the forgiving, the one letting go of the story.

Sometimes it’s not a person we need to forgive, but a situation or an unfolding of events.

Guilt Lives On

Guilt can live on and exist for your entire life. Even if you've never told anyone about the situation or incident that caused the guilt, that negative story can live on within you. Maybe years later you will realize that you can forgive yourself. It will not be necessary to talk to the person in your story who wronged you. It is possible for you to let go of the story of guilt in an instant. You can decide to have peace and move on. 

Much of forgiveness is really forgiving yourself. That’s the most important kind of forgiveness there is. Often, buried deep down in our sub-conscious mind is a story we’re telling about ourselves, a story where we are holding ourselves responsible for some problems in our lives. Maybe we are blaming ourselves for not making enough money, not having enough friends, or not meeting up to our own standards in some way.

A lot of people never come to this place of realizing that the most important kind of forgiveness is self-forgiveness. Having an on-going mindfulness practice will take you closer and closer to self-forgiveness.

Continual Process

Learning to forgive can be an on-going process and it usually takes time and effort to make it happen. That’s why I talk about meditation, journaling, and walks in nature. All these activities will help you move to a place where you’ll be able to let go of some of these stories that are holding you back.

My mind has always been super active, and I didn’t know what to do with all the thoughts and messages that were constantly buzzing in my brain. One time when I was in my early twenties, I talked to a councillor and he said, you’re thinking too much. You’re overthinking things.

He asked me what I did when I would drive my car. He asked, did I listen to the radio or what? I said I usually didn’t listen to anything, I just drove in silence. He suggested I allow my brain to relax by sometimes listening to the radio, or listening to music so my brain wouldn’t be trying to solve things all the time.

Do You Think Too Much?

I remember thinking this was a bit strange, but Eckhart Tolle teaches the same thing. He says that we are addicted to thinking, and that too much thinking causes problems for a lot of people.

To forgive, you need to first listen to your inner bully. Some call it your self-talk or your inner dialogue. Notice those stories that are on repeat in your brain. What are they about? Who are the characters? Is there pain or anger involved? Become aware of those stories, and then make a conscious decision to let them go.

Release Your Story

If you’re like me, there are probably lots of different stories, some more prominent than others. Once you notice one story that seems to be repeating a lot, make a decision to focus just on that story and how it would feel to let it go. To release the energy that is going in to telling that story over and over again.

Write about it, dissect it, if you want to talk about it to a trusted friend, that can be therapeutic too. Then make a conscious decision to let it go, to release the energy that goes along with it.

Decide that anytime that your inner bully starts to replay that story, you’ll just smile and say, been there, done that. That’s over. I’ve let it go. I’ve released that story from my Audio Collection.

When I did that, I noticed there were other stories that very quickly moved into place. It was kind of like on Netflix, once you watch a suggested movie, there are then a whole lot of other suggested movies that move into the cue.

Life-Long Learning

But that’s ok. Learning to understand our operating system is a life-long project.

The bottom line is that as you begin to understand the benefits of forgiveness, you’ll realize that those benefits include more peace in your heart and mind, less stress on your body, increased happiness, and more self-confidence. You’ll experience other benefit too, but I’m sure those will be on the list.

Live In The Moment

As always, there’s one major way of living that will improve your life, that is to live in the moment. Enjoy the moment because that’s everything. The present moment is all we really have that matters. If you can lessen the number of judgmental thoughts you have, the more contented you’ll be. You’ll find you’re happier, more relaxed, and able to celebrate life to a higher degree.

Eckhart Tolle

If you haven’t read The Power of Now, or any of Eckhart Tolle’s writings, you might want to check them out. You can listen to the audio book, or read it, whatever works for you, but if you’re like thousands of Mindfulness enthusiasts, you’ll get a lot out of his lessons.

Suggested Resources

Related Episodes

Special Offer

Have you been trying to break through a mind block? Are you discouraged? It’s not hopeless. YOU CAN DO IT. I coach people just like you. I’m Bruce Langford, a practicing hypnotist, and you will get results with my help! Feel good about your life and accomplishments. Regain confidence. Book a Free Consultation to get you on the road to being grounded and centered. Email me: bruce@mindfulnessmode.com with ‘I Believe In Me' in the subject line.
Success Through Failure with Jim Harshaw Jr

Success Through Failure with Jim Harshaw Jr

May 19, 2021

Jim Harshaw Jr. is an NCAA Division I All American wrestler, former NCAA Division I head coach, internationally recognized TEDx speaker, personal performance coach, and host of the Success Through Failure podcast. He has impacted hundreds of thousands of lives across the world by helping clients and audiences increase resilience, maximize potential, and build high-performing teams. His clients include CEOs, entrepreneurs, and leaders from Fortune 500 companies as well as current and former athletes from the NFL, UFC, NCAA, and Olympics.

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Most Influential Person

(Sports Psychologist)

 

Effect on Emotions

  • I recently heard this – Losing your patience is weakness. I never really thought of this, but it really resonated.
  • Losing control of my emotions is weakness, so you really have to force yourself to be present in order to control those emotions. That's being mindful, and mindfulness comes from meditation, journaling, coaching.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • I have a breathing technique that I use. I learned this from Dr. Rob Gilbert of the Success Hotline. (Note: You can still call the Success Hotline at (973) 743-4690, but now, you can subscribe to this new podcast, and get his daily messages right to your device.
  • This is a quick reset. Take a deep breath. Count down, 5,4,3,2,1. On the 5 count you relax from the knees down. 4 is upper legs, 3 is torso, 2 is arms, 1 is head up (head and neck).

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Bullying Story

  • I was in sixth grade and I got bullied. I was a wrestler and I didn't know my own capabilities and strengths. I had an overwhelming self-doubt and lack of confidence.
  • If I had known there was a councillor or therapist, people who could help me step back and evaluate what was happening, evaluate my thoughts, understand the language I could use against bullies, that would have been tremendously helpful. Going to therapy is a productive pause. It's not just showing up and going to school.

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Use hypnosis to help others stop struggling with their deep-rooted issues like weight loss, smoking, painful experiences. Are you a coach or a healer who would love to have new skills to help your clients? Hypnosis can help people reach goals faster and easier than you thought possible. Become a hypnotherapist. The Cascade Hypnosis Center offers world-class training. www.CascadeHypnosisCenter.com

Special Offer

Have you been trying to break through a mind block? Are you discouraged? It’s not hopeless. YOU CAN DO IT. I coach people just like you. I’m Bruce Langford, a practicing hypnotist, and you will get results with my help! Feel good about your life and accomplishments. Regain confidence. Book a Free Consultation to get you on the road to being grounded and centered. Email me: bruce@mindfulnessmode.com with ‘I Believe In Me' in the subject line.
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