Release Your Inner Bully Dialogue

How To Release Your Inner Bully Dialogue is my topic today. How many of us have a bully on our shoulder? Someone who is always telling us how we should be doing things and what we could do better. You know, the one that says you are not good enough or smart enough for something. The one that criticizes your topic and believe it is more every move and makes you feel like an idiot when you don't live up to their expectations. The negative self-talk reminds you of all your faults and flaws, even when they are scarcely true. It can seem impossible to stop listening to these voices in our head! But it's possible with some practice – if only we knew where to start.

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What holds a lot of us back from achieving our goals is often ourselves. We can be held hostage by our own thoughts.
If you’ve listened to Mindfulness Mode before, you know that I’ve worked in the field of Bullying Prevention for 18 years. Back in 2003, when I first started, I focused on the bully, the victim and the bystander. Later it became obvious to me that the biggest bully is often the one who lives within our own mind.
Very often that inner bully leads us to believe we are not enough, or that there is something wrong with us. This is that critical voice that seems so eager to be judgmental of others and then of ourselves.
A lot of times, that’s how bullying starts. We are critical of other people. We’re judgmental of how other people do things, how they look, how they act, what they say, and then sometimes bully them, maybe even unintentionally.
This criticism of other people happens because we are self-critical. We don’t think we deserve to win, we feel like there’s something wrong with us, so we take it out on other people.
Have you ever come across someone who is constantly critical of other people and they frequently exclude people from their lives because they think they’re not good enough, or there’s something wrong with them.
These are the exact same people that usually have a low opinion of themselves, even if that doesn’t appear to be the case.
Doing over 1800 live anti-bullying talks and presentations taught me that it’s easy to see the bully in other people, but way harder to see it in ourselves and then to do something about it.
Here’s how you can Release Your Inner Bully Dialogue.

1/ Listen

The first step is to notice those inner bullying voices. I once had a temp job where I did quality control for a credit card company. A woman who worked alongside me was constantly critical of me in a passive aggressive way. She would say things like “did you really have to wear that today,” and she wouldn't even look at the clothes I wore or she would accuse me of not coming back from break on time. It got so bad that people talked about her behind her back when they came into work in the morning. The worst thing for me was how passive aggressive she could be without ever actually saying anything to my face but everyone knew what she thought of me because of how much negativity would pour out of her mouth on a daily basis.

The way this fellow employee carried on, reminds me of exactly how my inner bully behaves. There are sneaky, negative messages just under the surface that I may or may not notice. Thinking back to my temp job helps me to realize that my inner bully is real. I’ve named him Jasper. Giving him a name and an identity helps me remain aware that he’s constantly lurking in the back seat. Every once in a while I tell Jasper off, and tell him to stay in the back seat, mind his own business, and that I am doing the driving.

This works for me. It keeps Jasper where he belongs.

2/ Set Goals

I’m an action taker and I’ve always found that taking action as soon as possible gives me the momentum to make things happen that are positive. Sometimes I don’t take the time to focus on what I want to achieve before I take action, so I have to remind myself to create an outline that tells me where I’m going. You might say I’m setting goals, you might say I’m setting a destination.

We’re constantly hearing speakers and trainers talk about setting goals and sometimes you might think it get’s a little tiring. Well, the reason it’s such a popular topic is because there are so many of us, me included, during lots of times in my life, where I was aimlessly plunging forward, but I was veering in all directions because I didn’t have clarity about my destination.

Two years ago I had a coaching client who told me she had never been one to set goals. She said she always thought goals were for people who weren’t action takers, and she said for her, goals were just a waste of time. But then she told me she got an assignment in her graduate program that required her to set a goal and put it into writing. She kept procrastinating on the project until the night before it was due.

After hours of thinking up different ideas, she finally came up with something that was really meaningful for her and she thought her prof would like it. She went on to tell me that this was one of her biggest wins during her university years. She somehow glued her goals just inside her purse so that everytime she opened her purse, she’d be reminded of what she wanted to achieve.

By the end of her degree she had achieved every one of those goals, and she said it taught her the value of setting goals and sticking to them. After that, she used the system on a regular basis and got used to the feeling of setting goals and making them reality. She told me that hiring a mindfulness coach was actually one of her goals, and that she had listened to dozens and dozens of my episodes before deciding I was the right person to be her coach. Anyway, choosing a direction in life is critical, and making sure it’s front and foremost in your mind on a daily basis is also a must.

3/ Take Action

Like I said, for me, taking action is critical and I think the sooner you do it, the better it is. That is, as long as you’ve set goals, like I mentioned already. Taking action means being willing to do the tough stuff first. Brian Tracy wrote a well-known book called, Eat That Frog. It’s all about beating procrastination. The whole point of the book is to do the toughest stuff first.

What is the thing you really want to put at the end of your list, what do you want to do list? Consciously make the decision to do that item first. Eat That Frog. Jump in, tackle the tough stuff, confront the most undesirable activities first, and then you’ll start to feel like you have some momentum. This really works. It’s not easy and nobody ever said it was. It’s challenging to dig in and do the nastiest jobs first. But once you get into the habit of doing this, then it feels like you can sail through everything else. Those other tasks can seem like a pleasure, like a joy because you know you’ve already accomplished the most miserable jobs.

4/ Keep Moving

Your body and mind aren’t separate. Your mind is motivated to think positively when your body is in action. Your body is motivated to move when your mind is thinking positive thoughts. That’s what I think anyway.

I’m thinking back before the Pandemic. I was at the gym, going through my normal routine when I noticed a man across from me. He had curly hair and intensely focused eyes. His muscles were huge and he was lifting a lot of weight. I remember noticing how confident he looked and how easy it seemed to be for him to lift all that weight. I remember thinking how motivated he must be to be lifting that kind of weight and to have built the muscles he had.

One day we started talking and he told me he’d been in an accident and the physiotherapist got him working out and eventually suggested he get a gym membership and a trainer. He told me that once he started with a trainer, his life fell into place and he started feeling good about himself and started to achieve some of his goals. He said he was constantly plagued with negative self-talk – he called it ‘bad attitude’ and lack of confidence’. When I used the term ‘Inner Bully’ he lit up and said, Yeah, that’s exactly what it is. He told me that he runs on a regular basis now and that helps him stay positive.

I believe that whatever your routine is to keep moving, it’s important to make it a habit and stick with it. In January of 2020 I started walking every day, at first for 45 minutes and then I upped it to an hour. Since December I’ve been running for an hour every day. It’s incredible how it clears my mind, helps me stay focused and gets me set for the day. It definitely helps me shake my inner bully.

If you LISTEN/ SET GOALS / and TAKE ACTION, you’ll look over on your shoulder, and instead of seeing a bully on your shoulder, you’ll see a Coach. Your own personal, positive, upbeat coach, cheering you on, giving you a boost, and helping you feel confident day after day. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t just happen. It’s up to you to make it happen. And you’re well on your way.
I think that because you’re listening to this podcast, and you listened to the whole episode. Something inside you is telling you that YOU CAN DO IT. You can use mindfulness as a tool to accomplish your goals, live life with purpose, find your confidence, and become the person who’s grounded, feels content, and enjoys a feeling of happiness on a regular basis. So put that coach on your shoulder, give him or her a name if you like, and enjoy having a positive mentor right there with you, cheering you on.

So remember – stay in the mode – Mindfulness Mode.

Suggested Resources

• Book: Eat That Frog: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time by Brian Tracy
• Book: The Freedom Plan by Natalie Sisson
• App: Insight Timer

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• 058 Getting Centered and Wiping the Mind Clean with Greg Zuffelato

• 050 Movement, Meditation and Mindfulness with Courtney Townley

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The Power of Alignment; Naphtali Anderson

aphali Anderson struggled through a lot of pain in life, believing the lie that success makes life better, happier, and more fulfilling. Even achieving levels of success still left him with the haunting feel that his life was somehow empty. After years of study, and trial and error, he finally found the missing ingredient. As a result, his marriage went from shambles to rock solid; he lost over 30 pounds and gained a new level of content. His circumstances didn’t change, he just became aligned with his true self. Now, Naphali wants to empower others to take full control and master their lives, living with purpose, passion, and fulfillment.

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Contact Info

• Website: www.NaphtaliAnderson.com
• Facebook: @NaphtaliDAnderson

Most Influential Person

• Jesus

Effect on Emotions

• Mindfulness has given me strength over my emotions.
• It allows me to question my thoughts and my thoughts are what power my emotions. If I can change my thoughts, I can change my emotions.

Thoughts on Breathing

• I just actually started doing more breathwork. Being at home with my body and just treating myself as a whole, breathing is very powerful. In controlling your state and your energy, breathing is very effective.

Suggested Resources

• Book: The Bible
• Book: Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz
• App: Breathwrk App

Bullying Story

• I've been bullied and I've been a bully. Where mindfulness would have made a difference. Something that bothered me, and some may say this is such a small thing. I was with my older brother.
• We were in Burger King and this girl was working. She said to me, “your brother's so cute, what happened to you?” It felt like, stab, stab. Easily someone could have just brushed it off, but because of my mental state, because of how I felt about myself, it felt true. There is something wrong with me. I am hideous. Why would I even think I'm valuable anyway?
• I was always in a state of, what's the next task I need to do. Everything always felt so empty in my life, no matter what I achieved.
• I needed to learn how to feel. That's when the vulnerability came in. I needed to really learn what was actually going on on the inside. How do I feel. What do I actually feel about any of this?
• I can say all the right things. I can do all the right actions but there will always be a space between us (between me and my father). I didn't want that as a father.

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Journaling For Personal Therapy

If you’ve listened to any of my solo episodes before, you’ve heard me say that journaling and writing is therapeutic. It helps you become clear in your goals and figure out how to achieve them. Scientists have done research on this topic and believe it is more 
effective to use pen and paper than it is to type your thoughts on a computer keyboard. There's a connection between the brain and the pen when we write our thoughts down on paper. Sometimes it can be challenging to get started, so many people give up because they don't know how to begin if they don't know where or what to write about. Here are some suggestions. Find a comfortable place to do your writing, give yourself the time to do it, and begin by taking three deep breaths. Then simply write down the first thing that comes into your mind.

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Journaling For Therapy

When I was a kid I used to keep a diary. My dad liked to write and he would write entries in his journal every day. He was a farmer, so he was particularly interested in the weather. It truly mattered in his work so as a result he became an expert at reading the sky. He was particularly intrigued by what he could learn from the sunsets. He was usually sleeping when the sun came up because he wasn’t an early riser, but he loved to watch the sun go down.
When he retired and moved to town, he bought a home with windows that faced west and there was an open view to watch the sun go down every night. Then he’d write in his diary about he thoughts and his take on the weather. I think this was therapy for my dad.
I remember spending time with Dad before he died 2 years ago. He was sitting in his chair exactly where he’d been sitting for hours. It was getting dark outside and he could see the sun going down over the horizon. The sky had gone from a vibrant red to a haunting dark grey. Now it was almost completely dark outside.
He suddenly heard something rattle in the other room. He was like my cat, Silver. He would startle easily. My mom walked into the room and we both realized she had rattled the silverware drawer in the kitchen, getting out a spoon to stir a drink she was bringing him.
Anyway, I’m sure my dad is the reason I like to write so much. It’s therapy for me too.

I’ve put together five easy steps for getting started with journaling or writing.

1/ Start With A Pen or Pencil

When I was younger I used to draw and colour and just live in the moment with this hobby. As a kid I had a lot of coloring books and I took great pride in finishing a coloring page. My pens, pencils and markers were some of my most important possessions. I suggest you find a special pen that you truly like, one that feels perfect in your hand.

2/ Write The Date

Open your journal and write the date on the top of the page. Do you have a special journal? If you don’t, you’ll find lots on Amazon or in a store that carries that sort of thing. Make sure to always keep your journal in a special place so you never have to wonder where you’ve left it. Your journal will become a special possession.

3/ Think Gratitude

Write three things you're grateful for today. Don’t over think it. Just write the first thing that comes into your mind, even if it seems trivial, or painfully obvious. Turning your mind to gratitude is a great way to make your journaling time special and a positive experience.

4/ Uncomfortable Thoughts

Try writing about something that makes you uncomfortable. This is usually an easy way to get the words flowing. These can be thoughts, feelings, or memories. It’s often simple to think of things that are irritating. It will get you started and then you can switch over to something more positive like my next point.

5/ Five Goals

Write out five goals for this week that will make you happy when they're achieved. Don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself. Choose goals that you will definitely enjoy achieving, even if you automatically do them every day. The purpose here is not to make you feel stressed, but to build your writing confidence. It’s important to enjoy the process.

Dr. James W. Pennebaker says that “The act of not discussing or confiding the event with another may be more damaging than having experienced the event in the first place.”

Here’s what I encourage you to do. Over the next five days, I want you to write about your deepest emotions and thoughts about the most upsetting experience in your life. Really let go and explore your feelings and thoughts about it. In your writing, you might tie this experience to your childhood, your relationship with your parents, people you have loved or love now or even your career. How is this experience related to who you would like to become, who you have been in the past, or who you are now?

After doing this for five days, I bet you’ll be surprised how your perspective on life has changed. Email me at bruce@mindfulnessmode.com and let me know how this journaling activity worked for you.

There are other benefits of journaling that I haven’t mentioned. Writing down a series of events can help you remember something important. If you’re anything like me, I usually think, oh, I’ll remember this thing that happened, and then a day later I’m struggling to remember the details. Just write it down when it’s fresh in your mind. The act of writing it down will also help you relax. Your subconscious mind will know that you no longer have to remember all the details because you’ve recorded them.

There is one benefit that can be achieved through writing therapy which few people know about; healing from trauma. There is a study that found participants who wrote for 15 minutes four days in a row showed significant progress when compared with those doing other activities like watching TV or reading magazines (Smyth & Pennebaker)

Suggested Resources

• Book: Book: Opening Up by Writing It Down, Third Edition: How Expressive Writing Improves Health and Eases Emotional Pain, by James Pennebaker and Joshua M. Smyth.
• Book:
• App: Insight Timer

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• 186 Time Hacking and Mindfulness With Writer Benjamin Hardy

• 144 Write of Your Life Using Mindfulness With Stacy Brookman

• 027 Nirmala: Be curious and discover who you are through mindfulness and meditation

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Thrive In Spite of Life’s Challenges; Lee Baucom

Lee Baucom believes you can thrive regardless of what life gives you. Lee holds a Ph.D. and is a Thriveologist and Life Coach. For the past three decades, he has studied how people thrive, applying that information in his writing, teaching, and coaching. He is the author of seven books, three focused on how to thrive. And he is the creator of the Thrive Journal, a daily process to steadily increase thriving in everyday life. Lee is also the host of the Thriveology Podcast, providing weekly lessons and interviews on thriving since 2013. As a teacher and speaker, Lee discusses the importance in finding meaning and living purpose, so that people create the impact desired in life.

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Contact Info

• Website: www.Thriveology.com
• Podcast: The Thriveology Podcast by Lee Baucom
• Book: The Immutable Laws of Living: The Inspirational Blueprint to Living Your Meaningful Life by Lee Baucom
• Book: Thrive Principles: 15 Strategies For Building Your Thriving Life by Lee Baucom

Most Influential Person

• Jack Canfield
• Growing up it was My Mom – she was always helping us to recognize our emotional intelligence.

Effect on Emotions

• It's easy to be present when you're in a good mood. My challenge is when I'm upset about something. It's not like you're saying I'm not upset. Mindfulness is saying, ok, I'm upset, now what do I do about it.
• One of my practices has always been to have an activity where I have to be fully immersed. Scuba diving used to be one of my activities. Scuba diving meant that as soon as you starting getting ready for it, you'd better be thinking about that. That's all you did.
• The person who was my instructor and then my dive partner told me, it was like a mini vacation. For however long you're under water, it's only that. That was fully immersed, fully present, you can't be thinking about anything else.
• More recently my activity has been Jiu Jitsu. Jiu Jitsu is a practice in mindfulness because the last thing you want to do it let anger take you over when you're in the midst of sparring because this is not your enemy.

Thoughts on Breathing

• I've always been very interested in breath and breathing. In my childhood I did Taekwondo and my instructor was always talking about doing diaphragmatic breathing.
• I was a chaplain for a number of years and I used diaphragmatic breathing to calm people down. You could watch their oxygen level just shoot up just by me coaching them through that. They used to call me into the ‘ER' just to help people get through an anxiety attack.

Suggested Resources

• Book: Eckhart Tolle Books
• Book: Thrive Principles: 15 Strategies For Building Your Thriving Life by Lee Baucom
• App: Elite HRV Lee Uses an Apple Watch and an Aura Ring to monitor heart-rate variability. This app tracks your heart-rate variability

Bullying Story

• I was probably the antithesis of a bully. I was Mr. Nice Guy for a long time.  That was something that I really tried to live into and anything that challenged that was difficult for me. We had moved about a year before and I didn't have a lot of friends.
• I had these sketch pads and I wanted to sketch, but part of dyslexia is dysgraphia and my drawing and handwriting was terrible and nothing good was coming out of the sketching. So there was this guy and I thought he was my best friend and he liked to draw so I gave him my sketch pads and didn't think anything about it.
• About a week later he started handing out these sketch pads saying I had drawn these soft porn kind of pictures on them. It was so anti-who-I-was. I was a straight-laced, going to church kid and my father was the pastor. I was respectful and this was nothing I would have drawn. I knew that I hadn't done it.
• It went around the circle and people were laughing at me and pointing at me and I saw him do it. It took me a while to figure out all it was and people were coming up to me and asking if I really drew all these pictures. I didn't. So that was the bullying moment. It left an impact. My mom was a guidance councellor in school and so I went to her and told her the situation.
• She said two things. She said if you put fuel on a fire it will burn hotter. If you let it go, it will burn out. Somebody else will be next up. You're going to have to decide whether you're going to put fuel on it or leave it alone.
• The second thing she said is, consider the source. I thought, why would that person act that way, why would he be hurtful to me. I realized it had nothing to do with me, it was his need for attention. Once I used those tools, I could look at him with empathy. I didn't have to become the enemy. It took about a week and it blew over.

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Discover Bliss

Today I’ll talk about bliss and how to find it. My wife, Darlene and I were reminiscing last night. We were talking all about our amazing trip to Colombia we enjoyed back in 2017. There were so many vivid memories about people we met, things we did, and places we went. It was blissful thinking about those incredible memories. Then today, we did it again with our son, Ben. He was about to turn 17 at the time, and it was interesting to hear his version of the same memories. One of the things we did was climb to the top of the La Piedra.
La Piedra is listed in an article called The 10 Most Stunning Staircases in the World. The La Piedra Del Peñol in Colombia is a monolithic formation located at the town of Guatapé in Antioquia, rising from the bottom of the hydroelectric dam of Peñol-Guatapé. Also known as the El Peñol Stone, or simply as La Piedra, the huge and heavy stone, made of quartz, feldspar and mica, has some rock breaks, used for constructing 650 stairs that lead to the top. A viewing spot on top of the rock, which offers the view of the surrounding area, can be reached by climbing 740 steps. We laughed and reminisced about our many memories and it felt so blissful to be sharing these memories.

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Discover Bliss

I think bliss is fleeting and comes at unexpected times and sometimes in places you’d never expect. The dictionary defines bliss as “perfect happiness”. Great joy. Typically to be oblivious of everything else. Here are some ways I believe you can achieve bliss in your life.

1/ Celebrate & Be Grateful

Last night our son, Ben, finished a lab report he’d been working on. Darlene and I asked him to tell us when he was finished and when he did, we cheered, had a group hug and just talked about how great it was that he was finished and had this work handed in. He looked a little puzzled, and said, it’s only a lab I’ve handed in. I said, yeah, but it’s one more thing checked off on your journey to earn a physics degree. I think it’s important to celebrate the small things on the journey. He smiled and we had one more group, family hug.
Bliss is spending time with family that you relate to and you can celebrate with.

Bliss is reaching a point where you don’t feel judged by others and you don’t judge them. In other words, I feel like learning to be non-judgmental is not only an important aspect of mindfulness, I think it’s important in life because becoming less judgmental ultimately has made me a happier and a more blissful person. This is monumental aspect of bliss and happiness in general.

2/ Quiet Time

Bliss is making sure your life includes quiet time. Some will call it meditation and some will call it prayer. It might be the solitude you find when you run, swim, or walk. Quiet time can be a daily time spent in nature or just in a quiet space with some incense, essential oils, or a candle.

Without quiet time, your life becomes chaotic, hectic, and you lose your sense of being grounded and centered. A lot of lives have become harried and dramatic. For me, losing the drama and making sure I have quiet time every single day is a big part of finding bliss.

3/ Quality Company

To make sure my life is blissful, I find it’s important to choose the people I spend time with very carefully. I notice how I feel when they’re around. I notice what they say and how they react to what I say. If we have similar goals and ideals, that is important to me. I also love being around people who have loftier goals, who think bigger than I do and who raise me up. Some of my most blissful moments have been around people that fit this description.

4/ Be Active

One of the ways I find bliss is by making sure I am active every day. I take a one hour run every morning. For the last three months or so, I’ve been running 6.6 kilometers or 4 miles. It feels good to be outside, no matter what the weather. I love the cold, frosty mornings, but I’ve learned to appreciate being outside no matter what the weather’s like. This morning there was a light, misty rain – it actually felt refreshing and the temperature was cool and there was a calming quiet to the air. I feel grateful to live in a fairly rural, slightly remote community where I can run every morning and seldom see a vehicle or person. It’s beautiful solitude. I look at the sky, the hills, the fields, the road pointing towards the horizon. It feels empowering and somehow extremely calming.

I know there is science that talks about how there is a connection to being active and having positive and healthy thought patterns. I don’t have references, but I believe that’s true. Creating a habit to be active everyday is a way to make sure you enjoy bliss more often. 

5/ Choose Happiness

I once subscribed to a training program about finding peace and happiness. The presenter on the CDs was so interesting. I think he was a psychologist and I loved psychology in university, although I specialized in music and didn’t take a lot of psych courses – Anyway, the guy kept saying that finding true peace in your life all boiled down to 3 words. He kept referring to the 3 words, but didn’t reveal what the three words were until the very end. He kept me in suspense, although he kept giving clues and cliff-hangers. I kept guessing in my mind what those 3 words could possibly be. I kept questioning, “could it really be that simple?” It didn’t seem to make sense that being happy was actually as simple as 3 little words.

When he finally got to the end of the several chapters in the training sessions, he revealed the 3 Crucial Words. Be Happy Now.

That’s mindfulness. Be Happy Now. Live in the moment. Don’t be so focused on the past or the future, simply remember to Be Happy Now.

If you stop what you’re doing at any moment in time, if you stop thinking about what you’re thinking at any given moment, and you think those three words, there’s usually nothing stopping you from choosing to Be Happy Now. In my opinion, Choosing to Be Happy Now will bring you bliss. Maybe that will be on a family trip like we took to Colombia, or maybe it will be a fleeting memory of a special time in your life. Maybe bliss will be thinking back to a group hug with your family when your son or daughter achieved something that didn’t seem major at the moment, but represented a moment of bliss, because it was a small achievement on the way to something life-changing.

Enjoy bliss in your life. Choose to BE HAPPY NOW..

Suggested Resources

• Book: Wild World, Joyful Heart by Laurie Warren
• Book: Choose Bliss: The Power and Practice of Joy and Contentment by Moneeka Sawyer
• App: Insight Timer

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Everyday Energetic Mindfulness With Michele Sammons

Michele Sammons is an inspirational author, spiritual teacher, and highly-attuned guide who works with clients worldwide helping them transform their lives through divine guidance. As an empath and intuitive, Michele’s light-hearted, joyful approach embraces her clients right where they are on their spiritual path and gently guides them to personal clarity and understanding. Michele is passionate about working with Spirit to uplift others while spreading love and joy along the way.

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Contact Info

• Website: www.MicheleSammons.com
• Book: The Little Book of Big Knowing: Tiny Bursts of Insight To Wake Up Your Soul by Michele Sammons

Most Influential Person

• Martha Beck 

Effect on Emotions

• Mindfulness is huge when it comes to emotions. Being an empath, and being aware not only of my emotions, but other folks emotions, just knowing exactly what's mine and what's someone else's is huge.
• Also knowing that I can shift my emotions. I don't have to stay in a state that feels uncomfortable to me. That is a choice. Being mindful of that choice and catching it early before it gets lots of momentum and before it goes off in one direction, that's been huge for me. 

Thoughts on Breathing

• Breathing is one of the ways I connect into my meditations. Once my mind quiets, breath is the thing that I focus on until that naturally expands into other things.
• Breath always brings us home. It's the thing that grounds us. 

Suggested Resources

• Book: The Little Book of Big Knowing: Tiny Bursts of Insight To Wake Up Your Soul by Michele Sammons
• Book: Search Inside Yourself by Chade Meng Tan
• App: Insight Timer

Bullying Story

• I think that bullying can come in a lot of different forms; physical, mental, emotional.
• What I notice these days is energetic bullying where someone kind of forces an energy on you, almost like they puff themselves up.
• That's what I usually become aware of first.
• I notice where their energy is and I notice where my own energy is and then you can become aware of whether you want to engage with that or not.

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Learn To Let Go Of What No Longer Serves You

Learning to let go is the topic of my episode today. Many of my coaching clients who have begun to learn about mindfulness, soon realize that they are holding on to things that are disrupting their flow. They’re holding on to emotions, or memories, or beliefs that are getting in their way and preventing them from moving on. In many cases, these emotions, memories and beliefs are keeping my clients from becoming the people they truly want to be. They are often preventing money from flowing into their lives and sometimes the beliefs are preventing unwanted pain, heartbreak and grief from flowing out of their space.

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Learning To Let Go

1/ Slow Down

Consider working less hours or less overtime at work. Another thing  you can do is outsource more. If you're an entrepreneur you can get a virtual assistant or if you're a mom or dad at home with children, think of ways you can ask for some help. Sometimes there are people right among you who would love to help you out and all you have to do it ask.
As you slow down, make it a priority to feed yourself with more of what fulfils you. What did you love to do as a 7 year old child? Did you paint, or play in the water, or sing? Is there a creative element you can reintroduce back into your life? Back, maybe 3 years ago our family went on a two-week vacation to Newfoundland – that’s a Canadian province on the East coast, it’s a huge island, it’s 156 thousand square miles.

The pace there in Newfoundland is so much different than here in Ontario. I remember meeting a guy who had never been off the island, and his manner, his disposition, his way of looking at the world, was all so different. I felt like he had a natural sense of mindfulness that he’d been born into.

2/ Scribe

In Hal Elrod’s book, The Miracle Morning, he talks about the practice of scribing. Scribing is an old-fashioned term for simply writing down your thoughts. Include plenty of thoughts of gratitude and ideas of where you currently see yourself in life and where you are headed. Talk about goals, dreams, and desires.

This week I interviewed a woman who said she couldn’t get through the day without journaling. It’s an innate part of her life. She lives in India, and even though she had a demanding job and is a mother and wife, she says she journals every morning. She can’t wait to put pen to paper. And she loves the sensation of holding the pen and writing on the paper. She told me that she puts a lot of value on the way the pen feels, and the way the ink flows onto the paper. She said she has a large collection of pens and this makes her journaling even more special. I tell you this, because I think that making elements of journal particularly meaningful in this way, can have an impact on how much you enjoy it and how much benefit it will end up being for you in your life.

3/ Move Your Body

There is something magical about combining body movement with thought. Many great ideas have popped into my head during my trampoline sessions. I have a mini-trampoline and I find amazing things happen when I jump on my trampoline and move my arms in opposite rotating motion. In my experience, big arm movements connect to my thinking brain and some amazing ideas pop into my head. I mentioned last week, that I’ve set aside an hour to run every morning before I start work and during this time I do a type of personal running meditation. It’s actually self-hypnosis and it helps me clear my mind and incredible thoughts and ideas come to me as a result. This self-hypnosis is called 7^th Path Self-Hypnosis and I’m going to be teaching this method, so stay tuned for the details.

.4/ Meditate

I’ve been a meditator for around 8 years and as I already mentioned, one of the ways I meditate is a running meditation. I also do silent meditation, and feel like this has made a big difference in my life. I certainly learned to let go of a lot of a lot of emotions, memories, and beliefs that were holding me back. When I say that, it doesn’t mean I removed them from my memory. It means I was able to identify them and then re-evaluate the way I thought about those events. I was able to think differently about what that event meant to me and how it sat in my mind. For 2 years my meditation was usually in the form of a guided meditation. Sometimes I listened to my own personalized guided meditations, and sometimes I listened to meditations I downloaded from the internet. I use the app called, Insight Timer, and I’ve listened to many meditations there. I’ve also recorded meditations there so if you search my name you’ll find them.

5/ Create Personal Affirmations

You can find lots of affirmations on-line and you can adapt them for your personal use. Getting suggestions from people who have meditated for years and studied mindfulness for years will help you to create meaningful and positive meditations for yourself. Like I said, you can adapt them using terminology that you related to and referring to your own goals and desires. Maybe you want to live a life of contentment, be more grounded, or be more sensitive to others. Include some of these ideas in your affirmations and then record them on your phone. There are lots of apps you can use to listen back to your affirmations. One of those apps is Enso. ENSO. Check it out. It has great reviews. It’s marketed as:
Ensō is a sleek and elegant meditation timer and bell, designed to enhance your meditation and mindfulness experience. Its minimal feature set and design allow you to focus on what matters the most – your mindfulness experience – without getting in your way.

What people say about Ensō:
“Considering the quality and utility of this app, Ensō is a godsend for meditation lovers” – Lifehacker.ru

“For a distraction free meditation experience that lets you customize intervals and timers, you want Ensō.” – iMore.com

“Beautiful interface that just gets out of the way :)”

So you might want to check out Enso, or some other app that can help you record and listen to your affirmations in an easy and effective way.

Suggested Resources

• Book: The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod
• Book: Practical Meditation by Giovanni Dienstmann
• App: Insight Timer

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Learning the Language of Spirit With India Leigh

India Leigh is a spirit intuitive, reader, clairvoyant, and coach who uses an array of modalities and gifts to help you clearly understand the messages being sent to you by your guides. Using her skills, India will help you connect more deeply with your own divine inner guidance. She also will empower you in coming into more connection with your own divine energy and creative power, aligning your energy, thoughts, words, and actions with your greatest good and highest purpose.

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Contact Info

• Website: www.IndiaLeigh.com
• Facebook: @IndiaLeigh
• Instagram @India4777

Most Influential Person

• Wanda Devan, Yoga Teacher

Effect on Emotions

• Shattering the idea that I could not control my emotions was the biggest change. You get to your thirties and you think, I guess I'm just an anxious, fearful person, that's just who I am. Noticing that this is a choice I can make and realizing that emotions do not need to rule you, is something you can do.
• You are going to feel emotions, but you don't have to let them control everything. It's important to realize that emotions serve you. 

Thoughts on Breathing

• Breathing is the quickest way to get into the moment.
• If you are going in a million directions, and your mind is terrorizing you in whatever way, if you just take a minute and take an intentional deep breath, and pay attention to it, it can fully bring you into that moment.
• Breathing is a doorway to get into the moment at any time.

Suggested Resources

• Book: Untamed by Glennon Doyle
• App: Insight Timer
• App: 5 Minute Yoga

Bullying Story

• I learned early on, the avoidance tactics for myself. It was looking around and thinking, this mistreatment is possible in the world, but if I look pleasant enough, or look pleasing enough, or if I can just stay under the radar, then I'll be spared from that.
• When things did hit me in the face, I learned to defer to those other people in a way of going like, oh, they think this of me. Let's see what I can do about that.
• Mindfulness would have helped me if there had been a sense of, you are you and who you are is completely independent of what anybody else's perception is. I think I got a blurry idea of other people's perception versus my own reality. 

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Consistency and Mindfulness

Consistency and Mindfulness is the topic today. Do you feel you would be better off if you were more consistent? Would you like to know how to use mindfulness to help you be more consistent? Consistency is something that can help you feel more grounded, with more of a sense of control. When life is confusing, unpredictable, and you lose your sense of stability, then more consistency will help. Today I’m going to share 5 ways to bring more consistency to your life.

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Consistency and Mindfulness

1/ Make Habit Your Friend

Decide what mindfulness activities you want to implement into your life. Make a list and write down or record your thoughts about what you want to achieve.
Promise yourself to do your chosen mindfulness activity for 100 days. Go to Google and search “100 days from today’s date”. It will tell you your final destination date. When you arrive there, you will probably want to continue the idea, but if you don’t you will feel amazing that you nailed consistency.
I’ve mentioned the book The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg before. It is a terrific book about habit and I highly recommend it. It’s an easy read, lots of interesting stories and it will cause you to look at habit in a new and different way.

2/ Think It Through

You’ve journaled or recorded your thoughts. Now take some of your key ideas, and meditate on them. Narrow the ideas down to a few sentences, record them on your phone, and meditate. This can be in the form of a traditional guided meditation, or use it as a walking or running meditation. Your subconscious mind will process your thoughts. Listen for resulting feedback. In other words, what comes to mind during and following these meditation sessions?
Now put your plans to paper and be definite about what you decide to do. Maybe you’ve concluded that you’ll run for 30 minutes outside everyday for 100 days. Maybe you will listen to your ‘self-bullying thoughts’, and snap an elastic band on your wrist every time you notice one. Maybe you’ll notice every time you judge someone or are critical, even in your thoughts of another person. Switch that criticism into a thought of “I shine light and love on everyone and everything, with compassion”.

3/ Believe in Honesty

Keep your promises to yourself. We usually think of honesty as being truthful to other people, like our family, or others at work.
Actually, true honesty starts with yourself. Notice when you are being honest with yourself and when you’re not. Noticing is the first step. Once you do that, you’ll be able to make a change as to how judgmental you are being of other people and things. Being judgmental is a part of negativity and a lot of times we don’t even realize we’re doing it.

4/ Reward Yourself

Know what mindfulness activity feeds your soul the most and give yourself the pleasure of treating yourself for keeping your mindfulness activities consistent. For instance, maybe you just love taking walks on the beach and watching the water. Give yourself the gift of dropping everything, and going for a relaxing, fulfilling walk on the beach. Just listen to the sounds of the birds, the breeze, and the water. Allow your body and mind to drink in the mindful pleasure of this activity without listening to recordings or feeling you have to accomplish something at the same time.

5/ Intentionally Enjoy Your Mind Break

If you are consistently doing a mindful activity every day, you will get to the point where it won’t be a struggle or a challenge to just go ahead and do the activity. Make a mental note of how good it feels in your body and mind to not struggle with a decision. You are actually being rewarded for having made the decision to be consistent. Life is easier. You have control over this aspect of your life. Taking control of what you can control in your life is freeing.
As humans, we often become anxious over what we can’t control and we forget to notice the things we are able to control at a given moment in time. Put more focus on the things you CAN control. The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. This book talks about scientific discoveries that explain why habits exist and how they can be changed. Duhigg uses stories to help us understand the power of habit and how we can all use it to our advantage.  Another book you may want to consider reading is, ‘Atomic Habits by James Clear.'

Suggested Resources

• Book: The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
• Book: Atomic Habits by James Clear
• App: Insight Timer

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A New Way to Think for a New World; Francis Cholle

Francis Cholle uses deep human learning and cognitive science to help leaders and organizations solve complex problems and thrive in disruption. A Wall Street Journal and USA Today Best-selling author and international speaker, Francis Cholle has presented at Davos World Economic Forum, on the TED stage, Wharton and Columbia Universities, to name a few. His recent book is called: SQUIRCLE A New Way to Think for a New World. It offers a simple yet unconventional science-based model to make sure decisions in an unsure world.

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Contact Info

• Website: www.SquircleAcademy.com
• Book: Squircle: A New Way To Think For A New World by Francis Cholle

Most Influential Person

• My acting teacher and my voice teacher.

Effect on Emotions

• I'm a high-strung, hyper-active person and I've learned through the years, including March last year in the moment of the pandemic and the economic collapse.
• I weathered through it when I did the math, where the economy was going was not very difficult to know that we would have more than 100 per cent debt ratio in America.
• I was thinking, how is that going to work when you're a small business owner, you're a little boat on a big ocean and it becomes like a tsunami, it's very rough.

Thoughts on Breathing

• I took myself and said, you know what COVID is asking us to remember what nature is and that nature rules the world, we don't rule the world. I decided to learn it now, what can you do now? I decided what I can do now is start breathing consciously, be in the moment.
• What felt an abstraction years ago when I was studying acting in New York felt very real, very possible, and immediately gave me a sense of peace and I'm telling you
• Breathing is so fundamental and so overlooked and so underated.

Suggested Resources

• Book: The Intuitive Compass by Francis Cholle
• Book: Breath: The New Science Of A Lost Art by James Nestor
• App: RespiRelax Cardiac Coordination (When you regulate your breathing you regulate your heart)

Bullying Story

• Things that happened between me and my brother and my father, some were violent experiences. They probably have shaped who I am. My father would always say, “Francis, why can't you do things like other people?”
• I didn't know I was different from others. This came with some physical brutality. I worked through my stuff just like everybody else.
• Recently, I was presenting a typical power lunch in a non-profit organization. I was not part of the lunch. The members were part of the lunch. One of the members was certifying with us in the Squircle program.
• This was the beginning of a practicum. She was assisting me and shadowing me in the work. Then at lunch, she said we're bringing this to our non-profit organization for free.
• There was a woman who didn't attend the experience because she came late and when it was time to share, she said, “no, I didn't come, I didn't assist, I don't have anything to share.
• When the other person offered to share the information with the group, everybody was interested and one person even wanted to sign up for the course.

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