Mindfulness Mode

291 Rediscover Your Sexuality; Dr. Jane Guyn

January 29, 2018

Jane Guyn is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, Professional Sex Coach, Core Energy Coach and registered nurse. She is the author of the Amazon #1 Bestseller “Too Busy to Get Busy." She coaches women to have the sex life they've secretly desired all their lives by removing one or more of the 7 barriers to great sex - even if it's been a rocky road. As someone who's been married for over 30 years with 6 kids, Dr. Jane understands the challenges.

Contact Info

Most Influential Person

  • A woman who taught a mindfulness-based stress reduction course written by Jon Kabat-Zinn

Effect on Emotions

  • The bullying story is a good example of that. When I get into a situation when I'm being triggered by someone elses hard edge, and bullying behavior, I don't want to give up my willingness to stand up and at the same time I don't want to bring an agressive stance to that person.
  • Mindfulness has allowed me to come back within myself. I think of it energetically and bring it back in and still be there as someone who's holding space.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • I'm a Yoga practitioner and I use breathing in that practice. I also use it when I meditate. I use it to get myself grounded when I fall into the gap, which I must say I'm not able to do every single time I meditate, but when I can get into that space, it feels like one of the most pleasurable experiences I have, as a sex person, that's saying something.
  • Just being in what feels like a gap between being awake and asleep and just such pure bliss. That happens when I use my breathing well and really become conscious of my breathing.

Suggested Resources

Bullying Story

  • At the time of this recording, there has been a lot of emphasis on Facebook where women are claiming their, and I'll say our experience with sexual assault or sexual harassment. It's stunning to watch my news feed as person after person, woman after woman, types up 'me too' in her status.
  • I'm honored to see so many of us claiming that so it's kind of hopeful in a way that we're all showing up with something that's been a secret for so long. At the same time, it's really sad to see so many of us who are having that need to experience.
  • For me the bullying that I've experienced in my life really had to do with ... it really started in my home. When we aren't empowered in our own homes, it sets us up for further bullying experiences and further sexual harassment, rape and other kinds of experiences where we don't have power.
  • My experience was with a father who drank alcoholically and he created a very scary home environment. Although we looked fantastic on the outside, as is the case with many of these families. We had a gardener, our home was very lovely, up on a hill. We weren't wealthy, but for the community we lived in, I felt that we were fairly well-to-do. It was all just right.
  • But when you got behind closed doors, my dad was really scary. Because of that, I ended up with a lot of barriers and a lot of armoring. It took me time and the use of mindfulness to release the barriers and release the armoring and be willing to be vulnerable with other people.
  • On the way there, I went through kind of a dragon slayer phase where I was a rescuer for people who were being bullied around me. I remember this one situation I was in, in northern California where I lived with my husband.
  • I was a newlywed there and there was this pickup truck next to us in the Safeway parking lot. A man who had two or three guns in the back rack; he had a pit bull in the front seat with him. He was a big man. And he started to beat the pit bull with his fist.
  • I got out of the car and I went over to that truck and I said, "You leave that dog alone." My husband was just terrified. He was saying, "Get back in the car."
  • I remember I was so compelled to step in. That edge kind of pulls a little of the bully energy, the fighter. It took me some time to realize that I could be in place as a safe space for someone who is experiencing bullying without bringing that hard edge.
  • And that's what I do now, in a mindful way, is to, when I see something, then I turn to the person, the victim if you will, and create a spaciousness and kindness around that person to kind of envelop that, instead of directly connecting with the person who has this hard energy. That seems to work better for me. It's a transition for me and it's a growth for me.