Mindfulness Mode

The sun's unconditional love is expressed in a poem that tells us that, ‘The sun never says to the earth, you owe me.' Last week we talked about building a love-filled relationship and this week I'm continuing with the theme of love. Last week was Valentine's Day and last week was also my wife's birthday so I chose to talk about unconditional love. A few minutes ago, I found myself looking out the window at this beautiful day with the sun shining so warmly, and yet it was a snow storm on and off. It was just one of those incredible beautiful days. The sun streaming in the window reminded me of this very short little poem that has been a favorite of mine for a long time. The first time I heard it was from Dr. Wayne Dyer.

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The Sun's Unconditional Love

The poem goes like this: ‘Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, “you owe me”. Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky.' (Hafiz)
What a beautiful metaphor the poet created, to think of the the Sun and the Earth as humans. Many times I look at the sun and I think about this poem. If you look up the background on this poem, you'll find out that it's credited to the poet have Hafiz. Hafiz was a 14th century Persian Sufi poet. There is some controversy about the origin of the poem. Some say it was really written by Daniel Ladinsky. If you look up the information about this topic, you'll find out that Daniel Ladinsky included this poem in his 1999 publication called, The Gift. Ladinsky studied the poet Hafiz and put together thoughts and ideas based on his studies and what he what he actually thought that Hafiz would write. The poem I shared was not a straight interpretation of a poem. In spite of the controversy, I think this poem is a beautiful way to look at and understand unconditional love.

Look At The Love In Your Life

Do you have this kind of unconditional love in your life? Do you love another person this way? Or does that other person love you unconditionally? On this episode, I've shared some things to consider about unconditional love. Do you keep score in your relationship? Do you expect something in return for the love that you give to someone else? Do you feel the love you receive is attached to certain behaviors?

Being Human

The fact that we're human means that it's not realistic to have complete, unconditional love 100% of the time. Sometimes it's natural to expect reciprocity. Often we want something in return for the love we give, and sometimes we just need it. The more unconditional your love is, the more your relationships will thrive. Loving someone unconditionally can bring you incredible happiness and joy.

Loving Satisfaction

Most experts agree that you'll feel a high level of satisfaction if you love someone else as unconditionally as you possibly can. When you expect people to give back for all the good things you've done, you'll probably find that people will start to avoid you. And you'll probably find that those relationships are not particularly strong.
I believe a lot of people haven't considered the difference between conditional love and unconditional love. That is certainly the case with me. For many years I didn't think much about the difference between these two kinds of love.

Defining Unconditional Love

What is unconditional love? To love unconditionally is to love without expecting anything in return. You might call this, loving someone with no strings attached. To love someone unconditionally, you have to be able to overlook their flaws and, and not expect any benefits from the relationship. You will be happy to simply have that person in your life. If you're a person who loves someone with all your heart, and you only care about the happiness of that person, then it's very possible that you love them unconditionally.

The following are four specific indicators of unconditional love.

1/ Seeing Beyond Their Flaws

If you love someone unconditionally, you find it extremely easy to forgive them for something that they've done. It would have been a big deal if anyone else did it, but when you love unconditionally, you don't give up on the person and you don't judge them negatively. You don't decide to exclude the person or not have anything to do with them. You don't want to punish this person because of what they've done. You see the person beyond their flaws and their mistakes.

2/ You Will Sacrifice For Them

Even though it may be difficult, unconditional love means you’ll be willing to stand up for your loved one, no matter what. You’ll be ready to do something for that person, even if you lose something yourself. It takes a lot of courage to sacrifice something dear to you for a relationship. You might even take the blame for something or put your self-respect at risk, just to see that the other person is happy.

3/ This Love Can Only Be Felt

Unconditional love can only be felt. It's impossible to describe your love fully in words. The feeling you have for that person is difficult to communicate no matter how hard you try. In spite of that, you just keep trying and trying. With unconditional love, you're vulnerable and honest about your feelings and you feel like you understand each other, even beyond words. When your love is unconditional, you're only concerned about giving and not about receiving. Your emotions and how you handle them are a powerful indicator of unconditional love. Even though you may feel anger, frustration, or hurt you continue to love the other person.

4/ It's Easy To Love Their Imperfections

Even your love one's imperfections seem lovable and precious. Others may see their flaws, but to you their flaws and their mistakes are just part of who they are. They're just part of that person's perfection. You find it easy to forgive them and accept whatever flaws they may have. In spite of their imperfections, you're still able to open up your heart instead of protecting yourself and closing off your love.

Other Kinds Of Love

Unconditional Love is the most beautiful kind of love, but it isn't the only kind. There are a lot of people in the world that live their whole lives being in relationships where there are certain conditions associated with their love. The relationship may be with a close friend, a sibling, a baby, a child, a teenager, or it could be your partner. The first step to having unconditional love is understanding the concept.

Start Now

If you truly want to improve yourself in your relationships, start to gradually implement some of the concepts I've described. By doing this, you'll move towards stronger and more meaningful relationships. Once you experience this change, you will probably want to keep building your relationships and make them stronger by applying more of the strategies and becoming even more determined to love unconditionally.

If you always think of the other person before yourself, and you're always willing to support the other person and do whatever you can to understand their point of view, you'll be well on your way to loving on conditionally. See you on the next episode.

Suggested Resources

• Book: The Black Ball: Does Anybody Else Have A Secret? by Simon Lovell
• Book: You Were Not Born To Suffer: Overcome Fear, Insecurity and Depression and Love Yourself Back to Happiness, Confidence and Peace by Blake D. Bauer
• Book: The Gift by Daniel Ladinsky
• App: Insight Timer

Related Episodes

• Practical No BS Self-Love With Blake D. Bauer
• Emotional & Energetic Intelligence For Fulfillment; Simon Lovell
• 291 Rediscover Your Sexuality; Dr. Jane Guyn

Are you experiencing anxiety & stress? Peace is within your grasp. I’m Bruce Langford, a practicing coach and hypnotist helping fast-track people just like you to shed their inner bully and move forward with confidence. Book a Free Coaching Session to get you on the road to a more satisfying life, feeling grounded and focused. Send me an email at bruce@mindfulnessmode.com with ‘Coaching Session' in the subject line. We'll set up a zoom call and talk about how you can move forward to a better life.