Emotional Intelligence Insights; Harvey Deutschendorf

Harvey Deutschendorf is an emotional intelligence expert, speaker, and internationally published author of The Other Kind of Smart, Simple Ways to Boost Your Emotional Intelligence for Greater Personal Effectiveness and Success. His latest book, Emotional Intelligence Game Changers, 101 Simple Ways to Win at Work + Life, was released in August 2023.
Harvey is a regular contributor to FAST COMPANY with 140 articles to date and is a TEDx Speaker. He has used emotional intelligence to overcome a difficult upbringing and is passionate about sharing what he has learned to help others live more rewarding, fulfilling lives.

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Website: www.theotherkindofsmart.com
Book: Emotional Intelligence Game Changers, 101 Simple Ways to Win at Work + Life by Harvey Deutschendorf

Most Influential Person

Jon Kabat Zinn

Effect on Emotions

Mindfulness has really made a big difference in how I handle my feelings. It's helped me quickly recognize my emotions and learn how to control them.
Mindfulness keeps me from getting too upset about strong emotions. Before, I would react strongly to things, but now I can handle them better and let them go.
It's like we all have different emotions, but with mindfulness, I can choose to focus on the good ones and let the bad ones go, like waves in the ocean.

Thoughts on Breathing

When I meditate, I use a technique I learned a long time ago called Transcendental Meditation.
I still say a special word, or mantra, while I meditate. But the breathing part is really important.
I take deep breaths from my diaphragm, and I do it for about four seconds, then I let it out for about four seconds. I used to count to four, but now I can just feel when I'm in that special meditation zone, so I'm very aware of my breathing.
You see, I have ADD, which means I sometimes struggle to stop my mind from racing with thoughts. But when I focus on my breathing, I can block out those thoughts for a while. It feels really nice when I can do that.

Suggested Resources

Book: Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by David R. Hawkins
Book: Wherever You Go, There You Are by John Kabat Zinn
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Bullying Story

When I was in junior high, I went through a tough time because some kids were bullying me. I felt scared and angry back then. Looking back, I wish I had known about mindfulness.
If I had known what I know now, I might have handled the situation better. You see, bullies are often people who feel scared and insecure themselves. Knowing this, I could have tried a different approach to deal with them.
I could have tried to understand why they were bullying and maybe do something that made them stop and think. But at the time, all I felt was anger, and I reacted to it. I didn't have the mindfulness skills I have today.
If I were ever bullied again, I would try to understand where the bully is coming from. This approach could be a lot more effective, and I could handle it better by using techniques like deep breathing. It wouldn't be as tough as it was back then. Those times were really scary.

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