271 Celebrity Intimacy Expert Shares Mindfulness Secrets; Allana Pratt

November 20, 2017

Allana Pratt is an intimacy expert who inspires her clients to be unapologetically true to themselves, their love-lives and their businesses. Featured on CBS, TLC and Fox, this cum laude graduate of Columbia is the author of 4 books, Coach to celebrities and Host of the sexy empowering show, "Intimate Conversations Live."

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Most Influential Person

Effect on Emotions

  • Mindfulness has helped to balance my emotions and equilibrate them rather than have them run me. So I'm not afraid of them. I sit in the fire and take the ride with them, knowing that if I don't resist them, on the other side is wisdom, is a lesson.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • I like to imagine I'm making love with the universe. I'm having sex all day long. The mindfulness breath practice is making love to the universe so I, with my inhale, allow myself to be penetrated by the universe and feel how delicious and tantalizing that is on the inhale and then I give the universe my essence. I penetrate the universe with me as I exhale and I just feel my posture changing and I smile from the inside out.

Suggested Resources

Bullying Story

  • All the bullies are deeply inside. They've been wounding that little you, internally. They've been bullied on the outside so there's no place safe to go in or out and then they just react. If you can get them to be present & mindful and let them feel seen and heard.
  • You don't have to agree that it's ok to hit Joey, but you can acknowledge and validate  your stand from their point of view. They have every right to feel that way and you get it.
  • You're not here to fix them, just to get them. Something really deep happens inside. You exhale all the way to that safe place that we've all been looking for. On the outside, seeking, seeking we can find it on the inside.
  • My bullying story is, I was a people pleaser growing up. My dad was drunk and stoned and I just wanted to make sure I didn't get in trouble so I grew up as a young woman not speaking my truth.
  • I attracted my dad to heal my wounds. So he was a bully; my son's father. I just put up with everything, just so that he wouldn't yell and scream at me.
  • That was his way of controlling me and my way of letting myself be controlled. We got a divorce within one year when I discovered he was not who I thought he was.
  • I took total ownership that when I chose to marry him, my mom was dying and I wasn't very mature or enlightened and I just wanted a checkbook, pulse, sperm. I just wanted to replace the relationship that I was losing.
  • I know that's not very kind or enlightened, but that was the best I could do at the time, feeling so sad. So within a year, I didnt' chose somebody great, but I have a great son. As time went on, he just wouldn't stop fighting with me.
  • I guess from his point of view, you said forever. And I stopped after a year. To him, his point of view must have been humiliation and rejection.
  • So his anger and his bullying came after me and of course I'm just triggering his mother or his past. Our son said, I want to kill myself at nine years old. I can't handle the fighting that non-stop happens with you and dad.
  • I had done every non-violent communication course. Every therapist, every counseller, everything you could think of. Until I realized, wait a minute, he doesn't want to get along with me. He loves to fight.
  • So I let my son live with his dad primarily for six months, just to see. Let him win. Let him look good. Let him be father of the year. I'll sacrifice my time to save my son. But he took it and he used it against me to say that I was a flakey, unstable mom and that I had abandoned him.
  • And he won after almost five years in court of trying to fight for the truth. I'm unconventional. I'm an entrepreneur.
  • I don't have a PHd, but I coach people and I talk about sex. So he painted this horrible picture with this old school, archaic family law and jury system and he won seventy percent custody and I got thirty. He humiliated my career. The bullying never stopped. My mindfulness practice, even up to this very day.
  • Right now he's convinced my son that I'm horrible and selfish and so my son's living with him and has blocked my from the phone and I have no contact with my son. I'm literally in the midst of a bullyng moment.
  • But this becomes our mindfulness practice. How can I still have compassion, not condoning, but have compassion for why he's behaving that way. Because I believe that bullying is ultimately a reflection of the inside.
  • Where is my unloved part of me? Where can I love myself more? Where can I be more in allowance and look past the anger coming at me to the wounded heart, to the cry for love?
  • Everything's ultimately a cry for love so I'm doing my inner work to take responsibility that I didn't marry him for a deep commitment and love.
  • I was scared and really own that and apologize so that I don't get emotionally triggered by his behavior and i just be that grounded, present, mindful person that allows this whole lesson to unfold and keep growing and not be that bitter ex-wife bitch who blames. That's not going to get us anywhere nor teach my son any good lessons either.

 

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